I don't heart the valet. I want to take its little silent "t" and knee it in the balls. Why am I supposed to be totally OK with handing my keys over to a stranger and then paying him to hide my car from me? I bet the first guy to ever try to be a valet probably got a talking to, immediately followed by a punch in the face. Wish I could have been there. But enough about me. At 2 p.m. or 4 p.m. this Sunday, see The Valet at the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth, 3200 Darnell St. It's French comedy. And no, that's not an oxymoron. Tickets are $5.50 for members, $7.50 for non-members. (There's no actual valet, so parking is free unless you feel like pretending you're a valet. Which, I always do. Just make sure you have enough money to tip yourself, because if you stiff yourself, you'll be all, "What the eff, me?" And, you'd have to admit to yourself that it was a pretty lame move for you not to tip you. Which would not be a fun conversation for you to have with you.) Call 817-738-9215 or visit themodern.org.