Boot in Your Ass

Toby Keith is bringing America to the Smirnoff Music Centre for a concert this Sunday night. As the official keeper of America, Keith will unload buses full of apple pie, ass-whoopings, yellow "Support Our Troops" magnetic ribbons, Bud Light, Big Macs, Bibles and pretty little blond girls with ringlets. He will strew them about the Smirnoff lawn for real Americans to enjoy while he jams out onstage with songs about real American issues, such as ass-whoopings and beer. And the crowd will love it, because that's what real Americans do. Sure, people could skip the concert and spend the evening reading the newspaper or going over the finer points of the Iraq Study Group Report. Or maybe stay in and turn on NPR or hell, if they were really feeling nuts, just have a nice dinner with their families and talk about life and dreams and stuff. Of course, very few of those things involve beer or ass-whoopings (concessions made for certain family gatherings), so you'll be un-American if you do them. You just have to ask yourself if that's a risk you're willing to take. Toby Keith performs 7:30 p.m. Sunday at Smirnoff Music Centre, 1818 First Ave. in Fair Park. Tickets are $29 to $65. Call 214-373-8000 or visit ticketmaster.com.
Sun., July 1, 7:30 p.m.