By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Eric Nicholson
Pee-yew: Oh, man, you can almost smell it coming. This is only August, and the scent of what promises to be an ugly local election cycle is wafting on the breeze. That's the sort of thing that Buzz used to greet clapping, kicking our little legs and chanting oboyoboyoboyo.
This was very bad of Buzz, we realize now, so we just want to say please, can't we end the politics of personal destruction and join in the cause of good government. Can't we all just...you know the rest.
By we, I mean Democrats, of course. Republicans? Screw 'em.
What brings this to mind are the nascent signs of a nasty battle between incumbent Democratic Sheriff Lupe Valdez and Pete Schulte, a former county prosecutor who intends to run against her in next year's primary. Schulte is only recently a "former" prosecutor, resigning last Friday not long after Dallas County's Democratic establishment lined up behind Valdez. Part of that establishment is Schulte's now ex-boss, District Attorney Craig Watkins, though Schulte told the Observer's blog Unfair Park that Watkins didn't pressure him to resign.
Um, sure, whatevs. But then things got strange, first with one of our regular blog commenters accusing the Observer of liking Schulte and being homophobic 'n' shit because our editor described gay people as having "broken sexuality." (Man, them gays are so touchy about little things like that.) Then comes another commenter, who says that a Valdez and Schulte match would be gay vs. gay, so picking Schulte over Valdez—not that we did—doesn't make us homophobic.
Sigh...why is it that Buzz sometimes feels like he's 16 again, recounting this stuff: "And, then, like this one blog guy, he goes...And then this other blog guy is all like 'whoa' and he goes..."
Where were we? Ah, yes, Schulte outed on our blog. This led to a delightful situation where Buzz, who deeply believes that sexual orientation is not an issue in anything except possibly deciding who to hit on at closing time, gets to call a Democratic candidate about his purported gayness, which no doubt local Republicans will make an issue of in their usual subtle fashion: "Sex-crazed homos are coming for your children—wearing a badge." This will no doubt be followed by a Morning News story with a 72-point headline making gay clear that being gay is not gay an issue gay in local gay politics gay.
Valdez is already out, of course, though we note that, oddly, her orientation was not an issue in her first sheriff's election, though it might be one in the Democratic primary. Go figure.
But never mind. You want to know what Schulte said when we asked him if he was gay. Here's what he said: "It's not an issue in this election...."
Oops, he said more, but we appear to have run out of space.