By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Alice Laussade
By Scott Reitz
Welcome back from summer vacation; hopefully, you've advanced a grade at your Rock 'n' Roll High School, so sharpen your pencils:
Question 1: Matching
Match the following bands, each of which is releasing a CD in the next seven days, with their type of music:
A. Karen Mal (Friday, September 7, at Uncle Calvin's Coffeehouse)
B. Adakain (Friday, September 7, at the Ridglea Theater, Fort Worth)
C. Serosia (also Friday, September 7, at Ridglea Theater, Fort Worth)
D. Before the Fall (Saturday, September 8, at Darkside Lounge)
E. Red Monroe (Saturday, September 8, at the Granada, along with Baboon, The Hourly Radio DJs, Saboteur, Jonathan Taylor and the Northern Lights and Odis)
F. KarenJ (Tuesday, September 11, at Brooklyn Jazz Café)
1) Thoughtful, soft-spoken singer-songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and flute and who writes songs with titles like, "Do You Love an Apple?"
2) Very cool, very fun new-fangled pop rock with odd little guitar chimes
3) Uh, jazz
4) Rock/metal with moody vocals
5) Kinda smart metal
6) The kind of scream-y rock they play on the Edge Question 2: Physical Education
If Cannibal Corpse and Goatwhore, who play Sunday, September 9, at the Rockyard, fought, who'd win?
A. Um, Cannibal Corpse, because a corpse is way more hard-core than a whore.
B. No, Goatwhore, because if you have the balls to call yourself Goatwhore, you'd better be tough.
C. Wait, this question doesn't make sense, because cannibals eat corpses.
Question 3: Physics (three parts)
A. Is it physically possible for any member of K.C. and the Sunshine Band to fit into anything made of spandex (Friday, September 7, at Special Events Center, Garland)?
B. If K.C. were actually able to fit into spandex pants, at what angle would his moose knuckle lie?
C. If every person in the audience who was alive during K.C. and the Sunshine Band's heyday were to dance the Mom Dance at the same time, which would happen first: 1) The earth's axis would tilt, or 2) Your head would explode.
Question 1: A1, B5, C4, D6, E2, F3
Question 2: Trick question. The real answer is, 4) Wait, there's a band called Goatwhore?
Question 3: A) Yes, but it requires crowbars
B) 176.25 degrees