By Kelly Dearmore
By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Alice Laussade
While we're a touch confused as to why a Dallas music blog run by a guy who no longer lives in Dallas has any say in the matter, we're glad to know that the grand tradition of the Dallas Observer Music Awards Losers (DOMAL?) show lives on. Know why? 'Cause it's a damn shame anyone has to lose—though we prefer the euphemism "not win, so much." The DOMALs, sponsored this year by bigDlittled.com and TXMF Records (which, as a local label, does have a say in the matter), are frankly going to kick ass, we won't deny. Still, prodded by the snarky blogosphere, we couldn't help but inject a little sarcasm into our coverage of said event, and thus, we present to you the Official Unofficial Pretend Conversation Between the DOMAL Performers.
Paul Slavens: Hello, all. As the senior member of this group, I would like to welcome you...
Steve Austin (rushing in, breathless): Sorry I'm late, y'all. I got caught up at the Pussy Appreciation Day organizational meeting.
Johnny Lloyd Rollins: Wait...I thought every day is pussy appreciation day.
PS: If we could just...
JLR: I mean, I get so much pussy, I'm kind of tired of it, you know?
PS: I'm sure.
JLR: It's like, sure, ice cream's good, but if you eat it, like, eight times a day...
PS: We get it.
Rose County Fair (all of them at once): Before we start, we just want to clear something up. Some local rag recently called us a plucky country-western-infused '60s garage band. We are actually a plucky western-country-infused '60s garage rock band.
PS: OK, yes, glad we got that straight. Now, as far as the lineup...
Wanz Dover (the Frenz): I'm a crazy genius.
PS: Well, yes, that's true...
WD: Call me The Wild Bull.
WD (wielding iMac menacingly): I said...the Bull.
PS: OK, yes, Bull. Got it. So, if we could just get started here...DJ Wild in the Streets, what do you plan on spinning?
DJWitS: Well, I thought I'd start with a pastiche of rare Bollywood soundtracks sung in French by an obscure Parisian songstress named Lady Camembert, then move on to a Roky Erickson remix that was done by a Taiwanese duo called the SpaztiK DildoZ. Only I have heard of them. Then, you know, some Madonna.
PS: Got it. Thanks, DJ Wild in the Streets. Now, I thought I might start off with a few old Ten Hands numbers...
WD: I have 10 fingers.
SA: Me too, and one of them is going in your eye if you don't shut up!
DJWitS: Ugh. Too much testosterone. I need a sensitive man...Johnny, do you wanna go get a soda pop?
JLR: Sigh...I'm not going to have to sleep with you, am I?
PS: I'll sleep with you!
JLR and DJWitS go off arm in arm. Wanz Dover and Steve Austin arm wrestle. The members of Rose County Fair exit in search of a legendary lost Flying Burrito Brothers record.
PS: Uh, guys? Guys? Oh well, I guess it's back to figuring out how to play in 76/4 time.