Ants Marching

DMB is a crippling disease that affects hundreds of thousands of people every year. Symptoms include a strong desire to learn how to play the White Blues on the guitar for your girlfriend, a penchant for smoking out at least three times a day and in rare cases, the popping of the collar. DMB sufferers often put stickers on their cars as a sign that you should steer clear of them, the only surefire way to keep yourself from being exposed to the disease. It should be noted that DMB always gives you Herpes. You think it's just a cold sore, but it's Herpes. I promise. What causes DMB? College, khaki shorts and John Mayer. If you know someone who has been infected with DMB, at 7 p.m. Saturday take them to see Dave Matthews Band (also known as DMB) with special guest Robert Earl Keen (Dave’s #9 friend on MySpace) performing at the Smirnoff Music Centre, 1818 First Ave. in Fair Park. The show will last approximately one million hours, by the end of which Dave will have mumbled and shuffled his way through about six songs. Lawn tickets will cost you $40 each and reserved seats are a steep $65 each. Call 214-373-8000 or visit ticketmaster.com.
Sat., Sept. 22, 7 p.m., 2007