Country Equals Dallas

So, if you want to score big with the women in Dallas these days, what's the secret? Easy, you pretend to be impotent. Sounds a little counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Every day, roughly 87.5 percent of the Internet's transmission capability (we made that number up, but we stand by it) is engaged moving e-mails offering men routes to bigger, longer, woodier schlongs. Still, there might be something to this notion that the ladies really want eunuchs, judging by the numbers of really hot women you see on the arms of old wrecks at the area's tonier bars. Those old boys must have some sort of je ne sais quois, which is French for "loads of money." The rest of us will just have to get by with stratagems, like leasing Beemers and pretending to have limp willies. For tips on how to go about the latter, check out Second Thought Theatre's modernization of William Wycherly's bawdy Restoration comedy The Country Wife, about horny women, dimwitted husbands and the ways to outsmart the men to get in the lady's bloomers. And by "bloomers" we mean whisker-washed Seven Jeans, since the play has been reset in contemporary Dallas. Performances are at 7:30 p.m. Thursday and 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday at Addison Theatre Centre's Studio Theater, 15650 Addision Road. Call 972-450-6232 for ticket info.
Thu., Oct. 18, 7:30 p.m.; Oct. 19-20, 8 p.m., 2007