Dallas Flashes Back to 1997

Don't mess with Jobu: The city of Euless asks a federal judge to dismiss a lawsuit filed by a Santeria priest who claims the city's ban on the slaughter of animals prohibits him from sacrificing a goat as part of a religious ceremony at his home. A ruling on the city's motion is delayed when the judge is unable to appear in court because of sudden burning pain on the soles of his feet and sharp, needle-like stings throughout his body.La vida logo: DISD trustees reject a proposed logo for the district that administrators say they hoped would provide the school district with a progressive image. The new logo, one of several created by students and staff at no cost, is shot down after trustees point out that the word "school" does not contain the letter "k" and that "flipping the bird" is not considered appropriate in most school settings.

Give him back to the apes: Texas House Appropriations Committee Chairman Warren Chisum apologizes for distributing to his colleagues an anti-evolution document that claims evolution was an ancient Jewish religious belief and its teaching is a plot by "Jewish physicists" and Hollywood to brainwash the public. Fellow House members, including former state Representative Steve Wolens, speak up on Chisum's behalf, vowing that he's not an anti-Semite but merely a garden-variety effin' moron.

Pressing need: Dallas County Sheriff Lupe Valdez, under heavy fire for hazardous conditions and poor staffing at the county jail, receives tips from a media consultant on dealing with the press. Media coach Rick Ericson advises Valdez to "first, acknowledge that the media exist; second, return their calls; third, when you talk to them, play up the whole lesbian Latina 'thing' since all reporters are degenerate liberals; and fourth, try to stop being so damned incompetent."

Try spray-on tan: A former sales consultant for the Greater Dallas Chamber of Commerce sues the business group, claiming that he was harassed over his weight and race by his boss. Plaintiff Tony Montgomery claims Chamber sales director Louis McElroy, who, like Montgomery, is black, made disparaging comments about Montgomery's light skin tone and that McElroy referred to himself as "the Chamber's" pimp, the Morning News reports. "If McElroy wants to say I have man boobies or cracker blood, that's one thing," Montgomery says, "but if he wants to call himself the Chamber's pimp, then he needs to run for mayor, just like everyone else."

He's a word man: Would-be Dallas mayoral candidate Zac Crain, former Dallas Observer music editor, is disqualified from appearing on the May ballot when city officials reveal that he fell 50 short of the required 473 valid petition signatures. Crain vows to rethink his strategy of basing his political career on musicians and campaign events at local nightclubs, where alcohol is served.

Jesus doesn't love you that much: Authorities arrest a Dallas man after he leads sheriff's deputies on a 35-mile chase while driving a church van naked. John S. Leonard III later sues the county, claiming the arrest infringed upon his practice of religion as a member of The First Assembly of Swingin' Sirloin in Christ, an offshoot of the Southern Baptists.

April-June

Not thorough enough: Dallas County's jail fails its annual state inspection for the fourth year in a row, despite improved staffing and the release of some low-level offenders on plea bargains, a move intended to improve the ratio of guards to inmates. County Commissioner John Wiley Price tells reporters that the inspection was especially thorough, and state inspectors "did everything except crawl through the air ducts." His comment prompts Sheriff Valdez to tell him to "ixnay on the uctday alktay. That's where the odiesbay are iddenhay."

Free at last: District AttorneyCraig Watkins asks county commissioners for funding for a team to review DNA evidence in prior convictions after similar evidence clears more than a dozen men wrongfully convicted in Dallas County. The county leads the nation in the number of exonerated convicts. Local Republicans blame the embarrassing statistic on the recent ascendancy of Democrats at the courthouse. "Back when the GOP was running the show, we didn't let a little thing like guilt or innocence stand in the way of a good conviction," a party spokesman claims.

Shoah and tell: Holocaust experts criticize a ninth-grade classroom exercise at the Waxahachie Ninth Grade Center that involves requiring some students to wear a Star of David on their identification badges. Teachers play the part of Jews' German oppressors, ignoring the students wearing the stars, requiring them to go to the back of the line at lunch and forbidding them to talk with friends. School officials defend the lesson as an attempt to give students a greater understanding of Jews' suffering during the Holocaust. "By the time some of our 'Jewish' students got to the front of the cafeteria line, the tater tots were cold. Can you imagine that? Cold tater tots! We think that fairly captures the horrors of Treblinka and Auschwitz in a way kids today can understand," a school spokesman says.

Muckrakers mucked up: Scandal rocks the Dallas Press Club and its three members when it's revealed that President Elizabeth Albanese had rigged theclub's prestigious Katie Awards for excellence in journalism, giving herself 10 awards over three years and lying about who judged the contest, which includes a category for investigative reporting. Her deception is uncovered by a part-time columnist with the Oak Cliff Tribune who once lived in a Salvation Army shelter. The news moves local media outlets to comb the ranks of homeless shelters in an effort to find potential reporters "smart enough to track a bear in a phone booth," as one editor puts it.