Dallas Flashes Back to 1997

Oops: Administrators at Vivian Field Middle School in Farmers Branch are left red-faced when a marquee outside the school boasting of its being a "recognized" campus by the state misspells the word as "reconized." In a press statement, Farmers Branch city council member Tim O'Hare blames the gaffe on the work of "a cobble of illeagle immigrents who want to beesmurch our fare city."

No more books: Lancaster Independent School District suspends 254 students on the first day of classes for failing to turn in their summer reading assignments, extending summer vacation for some of the district's less dedicated students and proving once and for all that children are right: Adults are insane.

King of the wild frontier: In September, the Texas Historical Commission announces that it will pay $490,000 to a Houston man for what is purportedly the last letter written by Alamo defender Davy Crockett. The commission later cancels the purchase after a forensic document examiner is unable to verify its authenticity. "We got a little suspicious when some commission members questioned whether Crockett really would have written the words, 'Holy shit, that's one big bunch of pissed-off Mexicans,' in 1836," a commission spokesman says.

Spin, Lupe, spin: The U.S. Justice Department files a federal lawsuit against the county and Sheriff Lupe Valdez alleging they "have engaged in and continue to engage in a pattern or practice of failing to protect inmates at the Dallas County Jail from serious harm and undue risk from serious harm." The lawsuit also notes that problems at the jail have been "obvious and known to Defendants for a substantial period of time, yet Defendants have failed to address adequately the conditions described." Valdez tells the media that the lawsuit is merely an unimportant formality, and the Justice Department is pleased with the progress she has made in managing the troubled jail, where several inmates have suffered as a result of understaffing and lax medical care. The sheriff's media coach announces that he will be leaving the consulting business to take up pig farming in Iowa. "I gotta get somewhere and get my hands clean," he tells reporters.

Fourth Reich: More controversy erupts in Farmers Branch as the city begins a crackdown on code violations in a move officials say was requested by city residents. That news is followed by City Manager Gary Greer's decision to order several works by artist Alex Trevino removed from display at the city's Manske Library. Some of the censored works were inspired, Trevino says, by Farmers Branch's battle over its anti-illegal immigrant ordinance. In late September, the city's attorneys ask Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district to turn over the names and addresses of every child living in the city and enrolled in public schools. The moves lead some city residents to complain that the city is coming to resemble a Nazi state, a charge city council member Tim O'Hare dismisses. "Ich bin amerikanisch," O'Hare says. "Schließen Sie Ihren Mund, oder Sie werden Ihre tater tots nicht bekommen." (Very roughly translated: "I'm American. Shut your mouth or you won't get your tater tots.")

October-December

Cleaning house: Concluding a 27-month FBI investigation, a federal grand jury returns indictments against 14 defendants, among them former mayoral candidate Don Hill and his wife, alleging a wide-ranging scheme of bribery and extortion involving low-income housing developments. (Former city council member James Fantroy is accused in a separate case of embezzling more than $5,000 from Paul Quinn College, where he once served on the board of directors of Paul Quinn Community Development Corp.) At a lunchtime news conference, Hill proclaims his innocence. "I did not take one improper penny from...HEY! That damn vulture just swooped down and stole my sandwich! Man, I wish that thing would stop following me around."

Next time, try a Star of David: The parents of a 15-year-old Waxahachie High School sophomore threaten a lawsuit when their son is kept from class for wearing a T-shirt supporting the presidential candidacy of John Edwards. The school's dress code prohibits students from wearing shirts that are provocative, offensive, sexual or suggestive in nature, vulgar, lewd or obscene. School officials contend that the shirt supporting Edwards, a Democrat and former trial lawyer, falls into at least five of those categories.

Workin' on a chain gang: Dallas County Commissioner Ken Mayfield proposes assigning jail trusties in outdoor work crews to clear debris and brush from county roads. Sheriff Lupe Valdez is cool to the idea, noting that the vast majority of the jail's inmates are too weak to lift a hoe or haul trash. "There's just something about the criminal element in Dallas, I suppose, but most of our inmates are a pretty sickly lot," Valdez says. "In fact, they're really prone to kicking the bucket at the slightest provocation, like if you deny them medicine or water. What wussies."