Cotton Bowl: Goodbye, Dallas. Hello, Palace.

Like it or not, relocation is the right Cotton-pickin' decision.

And now, we wait a year for the divorce to be final.

Endure patiently, football fans; even fake it if you have to. It's just one last half-assed embrace. Just one more lame—and lame duck—season of our Cotton Bowl suffering as a second-tier game in a fourth-rate stadium.

On January 1, 2010, the game that nursed Dallas through 72 New Year's Day hangovers will morph from artifact into asset. By moving to the Cowboys' new stadium in Arlington. By moving up the hierarchy of college football. By moving closer to hosting the BCS National Championship Game.

Until then, this. This is what we're stuck with.

Like most 72-year-olds we know, the AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic gets up way too early and has totally lost touch with the cool kids. Shunned by the BCS and shoved by Fox into an ungodly 10:40 a.m. kickoff, even Missouri-Arkansas couldn't salvage our first memories of 2008.

Tigers 38, Razorbacks 7? Pig-Sewwwerrrrr!

We turned out and tuned in to watch Darren McFadden run hog wild and instead witnessed the Cotton Bowl's hallowed rushing record snatched by somebody named Tony Temple. In a game that's boasted the likes of Jim Brown, Doak Walker, Eric Dickerson, Bo Jackson and Ricky Williams, it's Tony the Tiger who ran for a record 281 yards and a record four touchdowns. Who does he think he is, Quentin Griffin?

Fitting, actually, because the Cotton Bowl has grown as stale as the popcorn at the midnight movie.

This year's game—though it sold out in 24 hours—will only break even thanks to Dallas yanking $700,000 worth of funding because of the bowl's impending move to Arlington. Mayor Tom Leppert and City Hall employees actually turned down free tickets. Fox analyst Brian Baldinger Freudian-slipped his way into referring to the game as the "Cotton Field." By the end players and referees looked like lawn boys having mowed 20 spring yards, their green-smeared shoes, socks and jerseys the victims of a dead field painted in an attempt to somehow make the event more visually appealing.

And then there were outmoded Cotton Bowl officials, sending off retiring Arkansas athletic director Frank Broyles with—cue exaggerated eye-rolling—a cowboy hat and spurs. WTF? Deep Ellum isn't worth saving, but somehow we cling to the tired old tradition of the Kilgore Rangerettes and foster the stereotype that, yep pawdnuh, we s'rnuff all ride horses to work.

Thanks to former Mayor Laura Miller and a stubborn bloc of Republican county commissioners who in 2004 refused to even let Dallas taxpayers vote on Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' new stadium proposal, the Cotton Bowl will be the city's eyesore only once more. The game, that is. The stadium stays. With, get this, a $50 million facelift.

I know Texas-OU is committed through 2015, but isn't pouring money into the Cotton Bowl tantamount to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic? Even with a fresh coat of paint and an upgraded scoreboard, the old place will still have narrow seats and cramped concourses and obstructed views and no January 1 game and...

Meanwhile, 18 miles to the west and 730 days down the calendar the future beckons. On a brisk New Year's Eve morning I toured this modern mecca. How did it feel?

Like the Romans first laying eyes on the Colosseum. Like the immigrants first spotting the Statue of Liberty. Like Wade Phillips first stumbling upon the buttermilk 'n' biscuits buffet.

Yes, in fact, that is a tent in my sports britches.

The structure is only half-finished and it's already the biggest, baddest stadium on the planet. You can see the thing for miles, rising from the wasteland formerly known as the Arlington intersection of Collins and Randol Mill roads. It dwarfs the landscape, reducing the city's once garish landmarks into subtle accessories.

With Jonestown hovering in the background, the loop-de-loops of Six Flags' Shock Wave appear little more than earrings on a giant. The Rangers' Ballpark looks like a fleck of dust on the wing of a gnat resting on the ass of a rhinoceros. And just think, at one point we were all intimidated by that orange oil derrick observation tower.

Appropriately, the construction entrance to sports' Taj Mahal is Chapel Street. One billion dollars. 100,000 seats. Countless oohs. Unfathomable aahs. When it opens in the summer of 2009 it'll be fit not for a consolation scrimmage between middle-of-the-packers from the Southeastern and Big 12 Conferences, but rather mega-event showdowns to decide the champions of college and pro football. It will host Super Bowl XLV in 2012, a Final Four, a political convention, a religious revival and maybe even Hannah Montana's "Look, I Got My Boobies!" tour.

Like it or not, the new stadium will be our area's most important new building since DFW Airport opened in 1974.

But for now, it looks like that time travel thingamajiggy Jodie Foster creamed her panties over in Contact. There are seven giant cranes at work. The two mammoth arch trusses—the anchors of the world's largest column-free room—are 75 percent installed. Sorry, St. Louis, but your arch is suddenly about as impressive as a croquet wicket.

(Early guess on the joint's name: Jerry Jones Field at Texas Stadium brought to you by Miller Lite, Ford, Southwest Airlines and the ghost of Tom Landry.)

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  • Doris 01/15/2008 10:28:00 PM

    Mr. Whitt, A loss can sure change things. During the football season all we heard was how good the Cowboys where; and the Cowboys are headed to the Super Bowl; and Tony Romo is a much better QB than Brett Favre. I think I even remember you writing about how sick Brett Favre makes you. It must really make you sick to see Favre break every NFL passing record there is. It must really make you sick to see that he and the Packers are still alive in the Play-offs. It must really make you sick watch him still being a play maker after so many years in the NFL. Now that the Cowgirls season is OVER the only thing you can write about is the new staduim...WOW. The Cowgirls are and always have been...More talk than walk and this season proved just that. Well Buddy, where are all of your comments now? Please do us all a favor and wait until Tony Nono has broken at LEAST ONE of the NFL records before you go and do your lame comparison to Brett Favre. Otherwise you are just making yourself look like a fool. Enjoy the Play-offs :)

  • Skipper 01/12/2008 5:56:00 PM

    Dude, das sum funny shit. Keep telling it like it is. I never read this kind of stuff in the Morning Snooze. Peace.

  • Fraggy 01/11/2008 5:09:00 PM

    great article! very clever writing, mr. whitt. it's so sad to see the old gal go away, but the new place is going to be fantastic. dallas city and county officials have to the stupidest bunch in history. to quote a famous one-year old..."you will rue this day...well, go on...start ruing!" dallas officials must already be...

 

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