Drugged Dances

Moulin Rouge! is the worst date movie of all time. Not because it isn't entertaining or because it doesn't appeal to a wide variety of movie-goers, because it is, and it does. Moulin Rouge! is a bad date movie because whatever you do, Romeo, you're not Ewan McGregor, you can't sing Elton John covers among sparkling stars upon a Parisian rooftop, and unless I'm very much mistaken, you don't know Kylie Minogue and are therefore unlikely to get her to run around in a green fairy costume and shovel absinthe into your mouth. Basically, your night out is going to look like a limp one compared to the high-rollicking romance between Christian and Satine. Will your date watch the antics of John Leguizamo as Toulouse-Lautrec and think, "That's nothing compared to the that Awesome Blossom earlier!" How's that beat-up clunker you're picking her up in compare to the wild trapeze acts of the can-can dancers? Some romance films leave couples cuddling on their way out of the theatre; Moulin Rouge!'s otherwordly amazements merely create unrealistic expectations. You're better off being compared to Will Ferrell's burly bear-bod in Semi-Pro. Moulin Rouge! shows at midnight this Friday and Saturday at the Inwood Theatre, 5458 W. Lovers Lane. Visit landmarktheatres.com.
Fri., March 14; Sat., March 15, 2008