Getting to Know Edgefest Bands Via Haikus

Poetry about the acts on Edgefest 17's bill? It's music to our ears.

A A A Comments (8) By Jesse Hughey Friday, Apr 25 2008

This weekend, Pizza Hut Park in Frisco will host Edgefest 17, an all-day, three-stage concert featuring some of the biggest names in alt-rock.

Atreyu keeps it Hot Topic.
Atreyu keeps it Hot Topic.

Details

These bands and others will perform on Sunday, April 27, at Pizza Hut Park in Frisco.

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If you like the bands that KDGE-102.1 FM plays ad nauseam, you'll absolutely love this lineup. Your only problem will be convincing your parents to shell out $49.50 per ticket and drive you there.

Because this is the 17th year of Edgefest, we figured we'd preview the show by describing each act on the first and second stages in haiku form. Why haiku? Well, a haiku's 5-7-5 scheme adds up to 17 syllables. And that sounded like as good a reason as any.

First Stage

3 DOORS DOWN

Post-grunge should be banned

"Kryptonite" is aptly named

It drains my life force

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

Started out emo

Then tried to turn into Queen

At least they're sincere

BLUE OCTOBER

Boring frat-rock failed

So they bought some eyeliner

Their fans are suckers

SEETHER

"Can't fight the Seether"

Remember Veruca Salt?

Forget this band too

PUDDLE OF MUDD

Extra D for "Dumb"

More regurgitated grunge

Nickelback meets Creed

CHEVELLE

Christians—yes or no?

Who cares? They suck either way

Tool for sheltered dorks

FINGER ELEVEN

These guys can't decide

Who they want to imitate:

Staind or Jars of Clay?

FILTER

"Hey, Man, Nice Shot" ruled

Finally, a decent band

Just a decade late

MISER

Bland, generic rock

Pretty boys with jailbait fans

Why cover "Zombie"?



Second Stage

STORY OF THE YEAR

Alt-rock with street teams

Manufactured fashioncore

Focus-grouped screamo

ATREYU

Ooh, they cuss. Badass!

Better not let Mom hear this

Hot Topic metal

10 YEARS

Chunka-chunk guitars

Melodramatic singing

Butt-rock from Knoxville

SICK PUPPIES

Dreadful, soulless rock

"Free Hugs" video is sweet

If the sound's turned off

DRIVE BY

Cheesy, but not bad

Teen angst and bombastic rock

Nice guitar parts too

DRIVE A

15-year-old punks

Feisty L.A. rock with heart

Should headline this mess

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  • Original Edger 04/29/2010 7:48:00 PM

    That they are holding it in Frisco says all you need to know about how "alternative" this festival is. LOL

  • Christopher 05/01/2008 8:09:00 PM

    Poor EDGE DJ Jesse...I bet you thought going into the radio business you'd get to put your spin (pun intended) on the music that we listen to. I bet you thought that you'd get to go out and listen to these cool new bands and then expose them to the rest of the world. I bet you thought you'd get demo tapes from local artists struggling to make it, and you alone would have the power to make or break them. I bet you thought "When I grow up to be a DJ, I'm only going to spin music I'm passionate about." Turns out the harsh reality is either A.) You have absolutely no control over the music you play and the radio business is not what it used to be, or B.) You're too lazy to go out and discover new music and take a chance on playing it. I completely agree with Marko's comments. These bands all sound like a halfway decent lineup for a commercially successful venture, but come on, whatever happened to the edge in the KDGE?

  • RJ 04/28/2008 6:48:00 PM

    If I had read this article last week I might not have gone. But I did go and it was a mediocre event at best. There was no magic in the music. Filter was the best in my opinion. Good thing I like to crowd watch. That kept me entertained.

  • Stephanie 04/26/2008 10:00:00 PM

    Sad is the fact that you actualy THINK that your opinion speaks for the masses. Do you have a CLUE how huge the fan base is for these bands & The Edge??? If so, then I don't have to tell you that you're speaking outta your ass.

  • marko 04/26/2008 4:49:00 AM

    I received this from Jessie of EDGE fame... I am not sure what this is about but it has nothing to do with us. I am so sorry for whatever is going on in your life that you felt your only mode of power redemption was to send such a profane and utterly demoralizing letter to fellow human beings. Can you imagine what it must have been like for those of us who work here to come in, open our emails and discover such an aggressively pointless level of verbal abuse . Are you being demeaned in some way and feeling so alone that you feel you have to demean others in order to regain some sense of self? I hope that whatever is causing such a profound ache in your life will cease, that the fates and God will turn things around and make it better so that the next time you opt to send a letter, it will be full of love and light instead of darkness and hate

  • Kevin 04/25/2008 9:57:00 PM

    Welcome Back Q-102. The guy down the street with the Camaro missed you.

  • marko 04/25/2008 3:51:00 PM

    YEP NAILED IT. Your description is dead on. I feel sorry for the DJs that have to act excited when they spin listerine by bush. and the EDGE computer gets rebooted every few hours and starts by playing Smashing Pumpkins DISARM again and again and again....edge of 1996. then we throw a new clone band then we play some leftover stone temple pilots. I own some of these Discs myself but I cant listen to em anymore the edge has perverted my listening pleasure. I mean look at the coachella line up , lollapalooza line up, Hell take a drive down 35 and look at the ACL line up...WE ARE DALLAS FORT WORTH MUTHER F**KERS. The history of DFW goes way way back to the birth of rock when some blues dude sold his soul on the corner of rosedale...fast forward we got Kurt cobain getting in a fight here at our own TREES(rip) toadies..man theres music all over the place and taste to boot but damn if i hear it on THE EDGE...NOT!!! I went to the first edge fest...I'm that old, pearl jam, sugarcubes, psychinfunkapus man There was alot of goodness diversity , the edge meant edgy. I'm not sure what has happened but this is what happens when music is cooperate driven. I'm sad, sick and angry that this edgefest is "THE EDGE" of entertainment. build it they shall come...put a big bucket of crap in the middle of it and sell pizza for twelve dollars a slice. 5 bucks a water. and the gas to get there. damn shame on the program directors, if they be man they sit to wee, if they be female, most likely they are a big "richard" edge of what i ask ye. lets take a moment in grievance for the bands we wont be hearing that passed us right by cause the edge wont ever hip us to them. (que taps please) BAND OF HORSES MGMT STARS A.S.G OCTOPUS PROJECT BLACK KEYS VAMPYRE WEEKEND N.E.R.D IRON & WINE VALLIANT THORR THE STRANGE BOYS TEGAN SARA (new) BREEDERS (new) RECANTEURS LES CLAYPOOL MY MORNING JACKET The LASH OUTS AUTOLUX BIRDS of AVALON DRESSY BESSY ELF POWER OF MONTREAL (new)RADIOHEAD Bloc Party KASABIAN Broken Social SCENE Explosions in the sky flaming Lips marko

  • Cindy 04/24/2008 6:52:00 AM

    Funny! Sike!

 

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