The Richardson Wildflower Festival with Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo, Blue Oyster Cult, America, Everclear, Eve Six and more

In a hilariously bad video custom-made for the lite-rock crowd, the city of Richardson has declared its annual mess of mismatched has-beens "North Texas' Biggest Music Gig," giving the Melodica Festival yet another kick in the crotch. Big, we'll grant them. But it's also perhaps the least essential music fest ever created. It's like taking a glimpse 10 years into the future of the state fair circuit.

Unless you count the unknown singer-songwriters performing to their friends and relatives during the day at the Acoustic Cafe, the only performer with any relevance is the great outlaw country songwriter Ray Wylie Hubbard. One could possibly also make a case for Grammy-winning country snooze-inducers Kathy Mattea and Jon Vezner—they'll square off in a song-swap death match.

Otherwise, this whole thing is aimed squarely at nostalgia buffs. Among the oldies acts on the lineup are The Guess Who (guess who hasn't had a hit single since 1976?), America, Loverboy and Bret Michaels. But burnouts are invited too: There'll be a Pink Floyd-scored LaserSpectacular each day, man.