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National Features >
Riverfront Times
Boxing in St. Louis will never die--not as long as Kenny Loehr has a kid in the ring.
By Kristen Hinman
Miami New Times
South Florida's lawless exotic rental car industry keeps rolling.
By Gus Garcia-Roberts
Houston Press
In Texas, restitution for victims is nothing but a state-sanctioned sham.
By Chris Vogel
Seattle Weekly
If you thought Seattle couldn't fetishize coffee any more, you haven't been to a "cupping" yet.
By Jonathan Kauffman
Tom Jones
Published on July 03, 2008 at 12:42am
Laydeez, raise the terror alert to red and don your protective gear. Local authorities have identified a serious threat to your panties. Look out for Tom Jones, suspected leader of a known terror cell, the Panty Patrol (no confirmed affiliation with Taylor Hicks' Soul Patrol, though they have similar M.O.s.) Jones is said to be armed with a crooning voice and devastating smile, but he may also possess a WMD, or "weapon for moms' drawers." This WMD may prompt middle-aged women to toss undergarments at Jones, creating tragic loss of vital control tops. To avoid the long-term consequences of a WMD, local authorities suggest potential victims use the utmost of care in attending Tom Jones' concert.
Thu., July 3, 2008