If I were a billionaire, I would use my first billion to arrange a boxing match between K.D. Lang and Sarah Palin. This may seem like a waste of money to the common American, but I have good reasons. Hear me out: Palin's from Alaska and Lang is from Canada, so you know that would settle some unresolved shit between the two. Secondly, I just think Palin needs to get her ass kicked in a major way. I truly believe that Lang could stomp that ass from here to next Friday. Lurking somewhere behind that magical voice is an angry tiger just waiting to strike. However, I am not a billionaire, so my dream battle will remain a dream. Lang has been rockin', boot scootin' and torch singin' since the early '80s. Her career has traveled from country twang to smoky jazz and back. She has also been a strong advocate of lesbian rights since coming out in 1992. In Canada she is a super-mega star, even receiving entry into the Order of Canada. For you non-Canadians, that's kind of like when the Beatles received the MBE. Basically, in Canada, she's the shit. Come witness her awesomeness 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at Bass Hall, Fourth and Calhoun streets in Fort Worth. Tickets are $51 to $80. Visit basshall.com.
Wed., Nov. 5, 8 p.m., 2008