Ojeda's Always Answers That Certain Craving. You Know the One.

Tortilla chip bucket refill count: 4

Gallons of mouth-on-fire salsa consumed count: 2

Sometimes you just feel like eating something shitty good. Something you know is going to stick to your insides and probably shorten your life by just a little bit, but it tastes so good it'll be worth the heart surgery. I was on the prowl for some shitty good Mexican food (which means sitting in a pleather booth riddled with holes and ordering some form of enchiladas so smothered in sauce that they're hidden like treasure for me to fork out) and whenever I get that craving, Ojeda's always answers the call.

I like the fact that the instant you walk in the door, your clothes are sprayed with Ojeda's free parfum: Eau De Someone Else's Mexican Food. I like that even though this place is always busy, there's never a wait longer than five minutes. I like that they leave a pitcher of free salsa on your table for you to divvy out yourself. I like the way they serve you your food within seconds of having ordered it. And most of all, I like the way they never ask you if everything's OK or if you need anything else, because they know everything's as good as it's gonna get and that beyond a praline or a pack of Chiclets at the checkout, they're not getting you anything else.

I got the enchilada dinner lunch special, which was two beef-packed enchiladas drowning in beef sauce, with a beefy portion of beans and rice. I also got an iced tea. (It came with a lime. Since I was expecting a lemon, this kinda threw me off. It was just like the time I expected Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman to have more chemistry than a rock and another uglier, horrible-at-acting, rattail-having fucknut rock in Episode I and then they didn't and that sucked. Not shocking, considering that their combined IQ is four, just disappointing.)

The service on the day I went was perfect. I think I saw my waitress twice: first, when she asked me what I wanted, and second, when she dropped my food off with the check. That right there is shitty good.