Mr. Goodcents makes you want to ride the Subway

Mr. Goodcents is a sub sandwich chain with restaurants in nine states. Originally I thought that (plus the fact that the word "good" is in its name) meant it was gonna have good food. After the mouth-beating I got there from one of their weak-ass sub sandwiches, I kinda think it's more telling that Mr. Goodcents isn't in 41 states.

I got The Quarter Deal, which is an "Original" sandwich (ham, salami, bologna and pepperoni, which is four out of the five food groups right there) with chips and a drink for $6.50. Not for a quarter, as advertised. Lame. But at least it tastes like nothing when you bite into it, right! My phlegm has more taste than this sandwich. The meat was Oscar-Mayery (which is fine if I'm not paying $6.50 for a bologna with two names), and the veggies on it were less than tasty. The texture and taste of the fresh-baked bread wasn't great, either. Overall, it was a poopfest of a sandwich.

While eating my chips, I got kinda creeped out by the signage. It reminded me of something out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There were cartoon people made out of coins (to go with the "cents" theme). There's this one giant penny guy with rubber gloves on that kept eyeballin' me while I was eating, and near him there was a sign that said, "Our pasta dinners will fill your inners." Is that a threat? Do I want my "inner" filled? Do I even have an "inner"? Then, in the window, there was yet another weird message on the specials board: "Double Punch Saturdays and Sundays." No, thank you. I don't care how cheap this sandwich is, I don't need to pay anybody to punch me in the what-have-you. Let alone doubly punch me there. The sandwich artist tried to convince me that it was a harmless punch-card thing, but I know that's just how they reel you in so they can sneak-attack punch you in the grundle.

It's not that the food tastes actively horrible here. It's survivable. It's just bland. The ingredients aren't as good here as they are at the Great Outdoors or even Jimmy John's or Jersey Mike's. There's no spicy kick like you'd get at Firehouse. All in all, Mr. Goodcents isn't cheaper or better-tasting than Subway. I'd much rather be five-dollar footlong.