By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
Dear Mexican: My question is simple: Can you please confirm the fact that there are doctors, lawyers and other professionals living in Mexico? I'm a Mexican-American woman living in Chicago who had a HEATED discussion about that topic. My friend, who is a teacher at a local school, was of the opinion that there really aren't any. Her point was when we see immigrants on television, none are doctors, lawyers or any other professionals, for that matter. She believes that the only wealthy Mexicans are drug lords. There seems to be a lot of ignorance and confusion about this topic. Please enlighten her and those who think like her.
—Incensed in Chicago
Dear Brazer: Por supuesto there are doctors, lawyers, accountants, scientists and other professionals in Mexico—who do you think sews up the narcos after a gun battle, fights off American extradition efforts, launders their money and devises nuevas ways to smuggle?
Why do all Mexican restaurant workers cram the napkin dispensers so full that you can't possibly remove a napkin without a pair of pliers?
Dear Gabacho: It's called "refilling a napkin dispenser."
Something I've never understood about other Mexicans, as I am one...when speaking to other Mexicans about higher education and its importance, they always interrupt me to place an emphasis on the associates degree. I've wanted to slap a primo/prima/amigo silly. Why the low standard? I've asked educators about this before and been told it was a low achievement standard that was placed on Mexican-American students in the 1960s and 1970s by mainly high school counselors. True?
—Párate and Deliver
Dear Wab: Instead of giving your primo/prima/amigo a cachetada, why don't you help them transfer to a four-year university? Heaven knows America needs more of its Mexicans at institutes of higher learning—on top of our abysmal high school graduation rates, not enough of us go on to get a college diploma. Why the low standard? Ignorance, silly! Not just limited to Know Nothings! Oh, and I don't think there was a widespread gabacho counselor conspiracy in the 1960s to funnel Mexicans of that generation into community college—most encouraged their charges to not bother with education, period.
Why are Mexicans so...laid-back?
—Crazy and Lazy
Dear Gabacho: Mañana, mañana. Que será, será. Mexicans sleeping under a cactus. All iconic American commentaries on our inherent relaxed nature. La verdad is Mexicans are more neurotic than Woody Allen's on-screen persona—and if you don't believe me, you try living life avoiding la migra or knowing that if white teens in a Pennsylvania hick town murder you, they'll get off with simple assault.
I recently worked security at a Tumbleweeds concert here in Albuquerque. I guess they are a very popular musical group with the Mexicans, but anyway: As I was checking IDs and letting people into the beer area, I noticed that almost all of the Mexican guys held onto their wives'/girlfriends'/lady friends' IDs. The women don't hold their own IDs, the guys hold them, show them, then put the ID back into their own wallet. What's up with that? I asked a co-worker about this, and she told me it's a power thing. So what's the deal?
Dear Gabacho: Could be a power-trip macho thing, but probably is that the chica didn't want to carry a purse and would rather let her man carry the ID than stick it between her chichis. Sometimes, Mexicans aren't rocket science.