By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Eric Nicholson
Unless, that is, you're Troy Dungan. Or Megan Fox's brother. Or some calf-ropin' cowboy over at the Mesquite Rodeo.
But don't tell that to soccer. Especially don't whisper a word to the wonderfully fanatical gaggle of American fans that converged on Trinity Hall in Mockingbird Station last Saturday afternoon for the U.S.-England World Cup match. They drank. They sang. They drank. They chanted. They cheered. They jeered. They drank some more. And in the end, they celebrated.
Final score: England 1, U.S.A. 1.
"It's a draw," crowed the obviously inebriated fellow in the sweat-stained U.S. jersey. "But for us it's a win. A big win. We tied fuckin' England!"
Never really understood exactly when or why soccer vanishes in North Texas. Seems like every kid under the age of 10 plays in a league. The Dallas Cup is one of the most prestigious youth tournaments in the world. FC Dallas is surviving, if not thriving. Shoot, in 1987 the Dallas Sidekicks held a championship parade through downtown and in 1994 I covered World Cup games right under our noses at the Cotton Bowl.
Ultimately, soccer loses the interest of our Yankee Doodle noodle because—like Russian roulette—you can keep score on one hand. At some point between puberty and enlightenment, or vice-versa, Texas teens come to the realization that the world's futbol may be bigger, but our football is better.
"This is it," says the guy high-fiving anyone he thinks might possibly be rooting for the U.S. on this afternoon. "America becomes a soccer country. Right! Here! Today!" He punctuates the bold claim with an emphatic high five.
Let's rewind a bit. It is 10:45 a.m. The match kicks off precisely at 1:30 p.m.
"It's gonna be something," says Trinity Hall owner Marius Donnelly, a Dublin native and forever a World Cup fan. "We had 20 people waiting when we opened the doors at 6 this morning. In Europe, soccer is in our blood. But after eight years I've seen the World Cup growing here. The American fans aren't quite as crazy, but they're learning to appreciate the game."
Down at Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenburg, South Africa, Vice President Joe Biden is on hand to root on an American upset in what ESPN is shoving down our throats as the "most anticipated sporting event in the history of our country." Most of us—those who aren't beating the heat at the lake, that is— have at least one eye on Dallas Cowboys minicamp out at Valley Ranch or Texas Rangers pitcher Rich Harden up in Milwaukee, but let's try to roll with this.
Immediately, I am not disappointed.
Just as there were in Uptown's Idle Rich Pub the night before, there are chants of "U-S-A!" echoing out of Trinity Hall three hours before kickoff. There are England fans, but they are drowned out by American temporary and convenient jingoism.
Chant at 12:30 p.m.:
Drunk high-fivin' guy: "I say England, you say faggots!"
Drunk high-fivin' guy: "England!"
Everyone else in the bar except the pocket of England fans: "Faggots!"
And so on.
It is alcohol-induced. It is offensive. It is...impressive.
Since forever, Dallas hasn't been a sports town, but more a winners' town. But these soccer fans have arrived early. They're battling claustrophobia by downing Carlsbergs. Their passion is raw, their support unscripted. It's refreshing.
Unlike fans of the Cowboys or Mavericks or Stars or Rangers or Neiman-Marcus, they are here not to be entertained, but rather to be involved. There is no JumboJerry to hypnotize them. No Mavs dancers to ogle or Dot Race to wager on. There is a body in every nook and cranny, and they're all paying attention.
When a hot girl walks in wearing a tight, sexy U.S. soccer jersey, the crowd erupts into an impromptu "Please get nay-kidd...clap clap clapclapclap!" And when English star Wayne Rooney is featured in a commercial, a generation of sports fans raised on high-defs finds it in its heart to boo the big TV screen.
(Editorial aside to the woman who brought her 2-ish daughter to the World Cup watching party, laid her to sleep in a long booth and then threatened anyone who got close to her with "If you wake her up we're gonna have trouble!": Um, WTF?!)
Once the game starts, the atmosphere almost immediately nosedives from boffo to buzzkill. In the fourth minute, England's Steven Gerrard scores for a 1-0 England lead. In a sport where scoring is about as prevalent as The Pope at a nun convention, it feels like 28-0.
"Enga-luuuund!" the small revolutionary pocket roars.
The news gets worse. Dallas police, fearing a mob scene they can't control, shut down Trinity Hall's patio entrance. The nearby Angelika is open—and air-conditioned—it is announced. Soon thereafter, the pub runs out of Bud Light, Coors Light and Amstel Light, leaving some to bravely order "whatever you got" and receive a bottle of something called Mothership Wit. Swear.