By Amy McCarthy
By Scott Reitz
By Scott Reitz
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Alice Laussade
By City of Ate
Lean Cuisine tastes like butt covered in butt cheese.
I'd rather go on the Mary Kate & Ashley Let's Look Dead Together Anorexia Diet than put that nasty shit in my face hole. When you microwave Lean Cuisine at work, you ought to be able to do a mercy flush for your entire office because you're stinking up the joint harder than a geriatric with the coffee squirts. Do the people at Lean Cuisine just mash up cat food and wet newspapers, label it "Creamy Dreamy Lasagna" and sell it as a weight loss regimen? Because whatever this stuff is, it ain't people food.
Do your workmates and your colon a favor the next time you want premade lasagna: Skip the Lean Barfsine and try the Italian sausage lasagna from Eat the World.
They're a catering company on Abrams that also serves a variety of individually portioned frozen entrées, sandwiches, salads and Blue Bell ice cream. It's like the Central Market chef's case, only you don't have to dead leg a tween to get the last serving of mac 'n' cheese. An individual portion will only set you back six bucks and it's definitely enough to fill you up. Worried about the extra calories? Don't be! You'll lose 10 lbs. in water weight sweating your face off in the hell-hot heat walking from your car to the front door. If that isn't enough, step into the nearby Starbucks and beat up a barista for your 20 minutes of cardio.
In addition to the lasagna, I taste-tested the King Ranch chicken. Have to say that the lasagna was much more flavorful. The KRC was bland for my taste—the King Ranch I know is like a spicy enchilada-y casserole packed with jalapeños. This one had the green peppers and red peppers and was otherwise flavorful, but spice-wise it packed the punch of a deathbed gramma. If you don't like spicy stuff, this is perfect for you and your giant vagina.
However, if you're looking to fill your face with delicious, go for the lasagna. It's spicy Italian sausage, plus mushrooms and the requisite pasta, tomatoes, onions, ricotta and mozzarella. And it'll beat the crap out of a Lean Cuisine any day.