The Burger Spot: Screw the Organic Beef! Gimme Funnel Cake Fries!

The Burger Spot brags that it only serves fresh, grass-fed, local beef. Which is great because everyone knows if something's organic, then it's zero calories. Brang on the cheese and bacon, y'all!

Burger Spot has several burger options, from The Alamo Burger (1/3-pound beef, refried beans, Fritos, onions, cheddar and homemade salsa) to The Veggie Burger (100 percent vegan black bean patty with lettuce, tomato, mayo, Swiss cheese, wheat bun, plus no dead cow). Every burger is made to order, which means you're waiting around for a few minutes (I waited 15).

How do they cope with a room full of hungry people? They hand out free popcorn. Free. Delicious. Popcorn. Yeah, it's weird. But, did I mention it's free? "Free" is my favorite word. Unless it's followed by "rape."

I ordered the Frisco Burger ($6.50), which comes with a 1/3-pound beef patty, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, Swiss cheese and "volcanic" Thousand Island dressing. It's a Big Mac, only made with real food instead of carcinogens. The Frisco Burger (named after whatever exists north of Plano) was scarfed down in seconds. So good.

I also had an order of their original fries, but they were a little soggy for my taste. Instead, if I were you, I'd order the funnel cake fries. Yeah, they're exactly what you're thinking they might be: funnel cake fries, rolled in powdered sugar and then served with a raspberry sauce. Holy Moses. At this point, you're thinking, "Why the hell didn't you order the funnel fries, you dong?" I'm glad you asked, bitch.

I did, in fact, order the funnel cake fries. And that's when the very nice man at the counter told me, "We're out of those. I'm very sorry." To which I responded (in my head), "Pound sign, star, exclamation point! Seriously, angry sex you, Burger Spot!! How dare you create a menu item so delicious-sounding that I absolutely must order it and then you have the tits not to make enough of it??! I'm coming back here as soon as humanly possible! And I'm gonna give you a lot more of my money! Grumble, grumble damned supply and demand. Grumble grumble."

I wish I could tell you the funnel fries were a State Fair in my mouth. That they were perfectly pocket-friendly Monte Cristos. That they were double complete rainbow funnel cake fries. I'll just have to race you to the restaurant to find out.

 
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