12 Burgers: Beef Patties are the Devil's Plaything.

12 Burgers is named after its signature burger, which comes with 12 toppings: bacon, cheese, avocado, sauteed onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, pickles, jalapeños, lettuce, tomato, Thousand Island dressing and mustard. Personally, I think that's a pretty dumb name because I wouldn't count Thousand Island and mustard as toppings. (I'd make up some weird word to call them like, I dunno—condiments.) But I'm a dick. At least they didn't name it something really stupid, like Mooyah or Rusty Taco.

Most of the burgers on the menu are priced at around five bucks, but if you want to make your meal into a combo (with fries and a drink) it's $2.75 extra. They have several interesting specialty burgers to choose from, which I find comforting at a Mom & Pop burger place. I like the fact that here, they'll put pineapple on a burger if you want it. They'll throw some chili on there. It's not just the usual tomato, lettuce, onion—unless, of course, that's what you want.

It took me a while to choose my own burger adventure. The 12 Burger was very appealing, but I'm not a big fan of bell peppers on my burger. And something about ordering a 12 Burger with only 11 toppings seemed like it might cause a glitch in the matrix, so I narrowed my choices to only burgers with jalapeños. That left me with the Devil Burger (topped with Frank's Red Hot sauce, grilled jalapeños, grilled onions and Swiss cheese) and the Crispy Jalapeños Burger (crispy jalapeños, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, Thousand Island dressing).

Eventually, I went with the Devil Burger. I made it a combo and got out of there paying just $8.88. And I have to give the devil props. (Easy now, I'm talking about the Devil Burger, not the actual devil. You can't give that guy props. Let's not forget, he's the a-hole who invented jeggings.) The burger was super tasty. Part of the reason: 12 Burgers makes your burger fresh right after you order. No frozen patties, just Angus beef slapped on the grill as soon as you ask for it. The other reason it was super tasty: The chef was gloriously un-stingy and hooked me up with a mountain of grilled jalapeños and gallons of Frank's Red Hot. My face. Lit. On Fire. Yum.

 
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