With Schutze Away, Buzz Looks on the Bright Side of the Trinity.

Musical chairs: Here Buzz was, ready to weigh in on The Very Important Issue of where D Magazine editor Tim Rogers sends his kid to pre-kindergarten, when our own Jim Schutze, who had already filed a column this week, decided HE wanted to write about Rogers instead.

Damn. But Buzz knows better than to argue with Schutze. The man owns a shotgun.

Then, Robert Wilonsky gets the interview with the soon-to-be-ex mayor (see this page), and since a week went by without Dwaine Caraway calling the cops, Buzz was left sucking wind.

Hang on while we look over Schutze's original column to see whether there's anything to stea...uh, report.

Hmm. "Trinity River...evil Citizens Council...floods...boondoggle...mayor...toll roads."

Man, that Schutze is so pessimistic.

Of course, that doesn't mean there's nothing new going on with the Trinity project. For instance, on January 8 the Morning News reported that the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers had turned over to City Hall the initial results from soil tests of the levees. (The corps has ruled the levees are—pardon our engineering jargon—"el stinkerino mucho" as far as flood protection goes, hence the tests.) No one with the corps or the city would say what those tests found, but city council member Dave Neumann assured the News that doesn't mean the results are bad. The corps just doesn't want to leap to any conclusions.

Now, a pessimist like Schutze might suggest that's like your oncologist saying, "Well, Mr. Buzz, we've done blood work, an MRI and a biopsy, but we don't want to tell you the results till we're really sure."

But why be pessimistic? Maybe the corps and the city are saving up good news for a special occasion. You know, let's wait till Valentine's Day to let residents know they're not going to be neck deep in muddy water.

And that wasn't the only Trinity development that Schutze missed out on by robbing Buzz. This week, the News also reported that the GOP ban on congressional earmarks has left the city scrambling to find tens of millions of dollars to build a second fancy-schmancy suspension bridge, this one on Interstate 30.

Again, not to worry. City Manager Mary Suhm seemed optimistic the city could make up the dough somewhere.

Ooo! Ooo! We know! How about selling Trinity River Muddy Bottom Cookies? They're chocolatey good with just a hint of PCBs.

We kid, but still, why be Schutzimistic? Surely there's some group of people somewhere the city could tap for money. We're just sure of it.