Football and strippers: You can't say you've done Dallas till you see a little of both

The nice, pretty lady in glasses asks, "Are you sure you don't want a private room?" It's a strange question. The place is mostly empty, a cavernous expanse of tables covered in white linen bathed in the eerie X-ray-blue glow. Three men sit at one table near the front, just to the left of the stage over which two sculpted jaguars keep watch, their eyes glowing. A woman sits with them. They sip club soda, watching the action on stage: Two women saunter back and forth across the hardwood, not bothering to keep time with the tin-foil metal booming from the speakers. Their tops are off; sometimes, their bottoms too.

The nice, pretty lady in the glasses explains we've arrived too early—9:32 on a Monday night, what a couple of schmucks. She says the party doesn't get going till after hours, midnight at the earliest, then rolls till the break of day—sometimes, till 7 in the morning on Sundays. "And then, it's a party," she says. "My girls and I like to party." She wears nothing more than a neon-green bikini, which, under this light, appears to glow in the dark. When she grins, all you can see are her teeth, white and bright.

The nice, pretty lady in the glasses insists this place will be packed come Super Bowl weekend, when the doors will stay open from Friday morning till Sunday night...or Monday morning...or whenever. "We're open 69 hours," she says, again punctuating her promise with that glow-in-the-dark grin. Another girl—blond bangs, cut-off T-shirt, her breasts bouncing up and down on command like there's a game of Whac-A-Mole going on under there—plops down on my lap, uninvited.

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"Are you sure you don't want a private room?" she asks. Only costs $150 an hour for the room; another $300 for each girl. "We can do anything in there." (Well, sure, maybe you can...)

Not anything, really, not technically. This is, after all, only a strip club. Jaguars, to be specific, a BYOB joint where, on a slow Monday, cover runs $15 and a pitcher of seltzer goes for $11.50. But it's a relative (cough) bargain—you're not paying upwards of $11 for a thimble full of well-drink whatever. And in Texas, BYOB means bottoms up and bottoms off. No need to pretend this is classy. Just assy.

Jaguars is a strange place in a strange place, a sprawling McMansion dropped in the middle of a dusty industrial park not far from a major thoroughfare, Northwest Highway, that feels a million miles away at this very moment. One of the dancers equates it to the strip club in the Robert Rodriguez movie From Dusk Till Dawn, in which George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino find themselves in a desert nudie joint where dancers sprout fangs and feast on customers. We all laugh.

Time to go.

Jaguars pops up frequently on the must-hit list of topless and nudie joints in Dallas, a city renowned for such establishments ever since Jack Ruby and Abe Weinstein cornered the meat market with their burlesqueries 50 years ago. A "stripopolis," someone once called it, even after the city ran off the clubs whose lights twinkled in the reflection off Bachman Lake. Also on the list, in no particular order: Cabaret Royale, the Spearmint Rhino, XTC, The Lodge, Baby Dolls, Onyx, Silver City, the Clubhouse, the Men's Club.

Some of those are the top-notch topless joints in town, a fine layer of swank shellacked over the prurience to varying degrees of success. The Spearmint Rhino, its expansive foyer decorated with gold-framed centerfold photos, looks like someone turned their grandmother's Southern manse into a New Orleans brothel. The high prices suggest the remodeling set them back a small fortune. The Men's Club, once Dallas' gold standard, is more tarnished bronze now; Cabaret, the benchmark during its go-go '80s heyday, has become an afterthought—and an after-hours thought, given it too has gone the all-nude route.

Above them all towers The Lodge, the only topless bar in town where a man can find himself buried in a good book should the evening take a terrible turn. (I once left there with a former judge's leather-bound copy of the 1940 Dallas City Code, stacked on a shelf in the gorgeous back-room library.) An expanse of oak and skin and mounted animal heads, Dawn Rizos' club is the only one in town managed by a nice Jewish boy formerly employed at the city's only daily newspaper. Here, you feel like mishpucha, like family—if, that is, your family consisted of extraordinarily beautiful women who have difficulty keeping their evening gowns properly fastened.

Which doesn't even begin to skim the lotion-covered surface; up and down Harry Hines, for instance, you'll still find the beckoning neon of all-nudie-pie Pandora's Box (where I once fell in love with an indie-rock-loving blonde in a Supergirl half-T, my Kryptonite) and Lipstick Cabaret, both of which are perched near the best-named bar in Dallas: the Conflict of Interest. And the King's Cabaret still does its low-rent hustle on Market Center Boulevard. Last time I was in there, a good decade ago, I witnessed a stripper trying to beat a customer to death with her one good arm. Haven't been back since.

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40 comments
Limo Services
Limo Services

I'm happy to seek out so many helpful information right here in the submit we want develop extra strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing.

nice photo piphi.org : )

anonymous
anonymous

Also, I don't give a f*ck about your respect or any other stranger on the street. My family and friends is what counts. Too bad you have none. Concentrate on your fried pig ears, greasy mac n cheese, sitting; on your *zz and collecting my hard earned tax dollars.

While your judging others, I am saving money for my future and living a good life. Go rub your very little friend raw, no women will touch you, that is why you take it. perv!

anonymous
anonymous

based on your user name, "Suge Knight", your a jig, and your comment will never count. You already know this, boy. And why would I find a new job when I make tons of loot? That is a stupid suggestion, from a jig. Also, why would I bleach my *zz hairs, when I can afford razors.

Focus on resolving the conflict with your nasty, curly jig-pubic hairs, that is a full time job on it's own.

Baby, you need to get out of the ghetto, it is making you hate women. so sad.

anonymous
anonymous

NO, sweetheart, you all just get hard -ons way too easy.

Guest
Guest

LMAO! Dallas sucks!

anonymous
anonymous

Don't go to Babydoll's Dallas, unless you want the chance of being arrested. Police hound that place ,undercover ,all day and night. Customers get the same tickets the women do. Not worth it.

chevytexas
chevytexas

Actually, from a 60-year old gay guy, I'd say you've hit upon a serio-comic history lesson; many of us had forgotten most of this. As Nora Charles once said, "...you know so many interesting people!". Amusing article.

Lastangelman
Lastangelman

When Kings Cabaret was Kings Lounge - that was my go to place, very like second family, 'til owner finally sold it to a Florida syndicate, I don't blame him either. A lot of Dallas history passed through there in the nineties, a lot of "hidden" history.

californiakid
californiakid

unbelievable representation of the city of dallas, you should be ashamed feeding this crap to the public! way to stand for what's right.

Wank
Wank

I like Kings FWIW - also, the one-armed girl also worked at Gino's in the early 90s

GC
GC

There's a lot more to Dallas than Strip Clubs. That being said, Spearmint Rhino, The Lodge and Silver City are your best options for D-Town strip clubs.

Alexandertroup
Alexandertroup

Dallas has been a sports town since the late 1880's, They say, who is they..... while it had been a mans place too....all of this was...and much of it still is, so...back to the old days Grampa....and it was a wild place for the sports fans suckers gamblers and vice man to hide and roll in the hay.....prety much this is true....lets see Dan Stuart, he was a gambling man and brought in Boxing to the Big D. Fair Park in 1890s...and the loose trade of women came in from all over the nation, by train and stage....wagons and no hitch hiking....

Then the Texas Supreme court banded Boxing, that year, so Dan lost his place out atthe Texas State Fair, vice and women had to leave.....then inthe 1900s more of the same all over again, and so this women thing and guy thing has been around over 100years, it is the Bilbe belt folks who ruin a good thing and protect what is pretty sacred cow stuff......then agin some body spread voodoo on this one with all the ice and snow.....go downtown and see the empty lots and big white tents.....Oh well have fun folks...A/T.

Fiffi
Fiffi

You SKANK of a pseudo 'writer'. This 'piece' is soooooooooooo very sad for you. So very, very sad. I guess you have sunk to the depths of all of the other bottom feeders.Do you have 'warts'? Yet?

Pebblesjetson
Pebblesjetson

Cabaret IS NOT all nude. The Fare next door is bozo! Study your subject before you print it - come on Observer!

anonymous
anonymous

My spine hurts! I fell down laughing at this kooky article. I am seeing starrs. I love my desk job, but I wish I had feeling in my lower extremities, is it the cold, the article, or am I getting a tumor? I don't know, but I can't feel my cookie, cookie monster!!

Rooster
Rooster

Must have been "Writer-goes-to-the-nudie-bar-under-the-guise-of-writing-an-article" night....

Informed Reader
Informed Reader

Million Dollar has been gone for over a year. Who will listen to thin UNinformed writer? Come on OBSERVER!!!!!

LaceyB
LaceyB

Big Bob knows his titty joints, and isn't afraid to preach on it! My guess is that this wasn't the worst writing assignment/blonde that *plopped* onto you and "your friends's" (if that's what you're calling "them" nowadays) lap. But, after the whole shimmy shake was over, well, I felt informed and dandy (enough). Nice article, as always.

Jason
Jason

Sorry article by a sorry writer... What revelations you've uncovered. Go back to school and get an education so you can become more mediocre. Next time you wanna go to a strip bar, just man up and go and try not to pretend it's for work. I bet the customer getting beat to death by the one armed girl was you... for boring her to death.

simon
simon

WTF....?????!!!!!! seriously is this news. what pieces of ish you all are for evening putting this up as news, get the f out of here with that. This makes this city sound assouloutely WHACK AND SKANK!!!!!! What a way to promote the city, you are scum for posting this as entertainment! TRASH!!!!!!!!!!1

Pebblesjetson
Pebblesjetson

Did Million Dollar Saloon reopen? If so when and where?

pstarr
pstarr

"..plops down on my lap, UNINVITED"

I am sure you absolutely hated it, you and your little friend! roflShould she ask your permission, first, kind Sir? I think her "plopping" down is something you clearly remember, and she has long forgotten. Don't be pompous, you were lucky that night.

cloakedman
cloakedman

More true than you can imagine. IF you do choose to frequent this club, "be a good boy", or you'll find yourself caught up in the scams, and/or just plain ripped off by the ladies. Pay for your drinks with bucks. Don't open a bar tab. Stick to the local ladies, preferably from D-F-W. There are many very nice ladies at "Babydoll's", but beware off them all. Their prime objective is ONLY to see that you leave the club with an empty wallet !!! Don't fall for any of the "Poor me, i've got to support my baby" stories, that you will hear. What these ladies do for a living is instilled in their blood, now. It's a "down-hill" trip for most of them, from this point forwards. Management is to be blamed for this tragedy ! No better than a bunch of STREET PIMPS. Yes, we are there: watching, listening and waiting. Gathering necessary information, which WILL be used to stop all of this---in the near future. G.B.A.

cloakedman

anonymous
anonymous

"amusing article" says the GAY man.

Booger
Booger

Went to Spearmint Rhino when they first opened. They brought in a bunch of ringers from Vegas, who all turned around and went home the following day saying the "club wasn't set up where they could make any money." Nothing says, "bad time at the strip club" like a bunch off angry dancers. Haven't been back since.

anonymous
anonymous

Thank you , Jason. (oh, I know his "one-arm-girl story was classic, classically stupid, true or not). Look below, sissy boy is trying to get a little attitude with me! Robbie: If you did don't like going to "titty" bars, as you put it, ever so classy word to use in a story for a metropolitan city, then stay the f*ck out, don;t USE women in a sexual industry to promote yourself or your paper. I was just trying to make you smile, d*ck!p.s. PLEASE remove your pic with your comments, you made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Whatsthatsmelldallas
Whatsthatsmelldallas

...."This makes this city sound assouloutely WHACK AND SKANK!!!!!! "

and your point is?The truth hurts only if you choose to let it. Laugh at it like the rest of us or go start a crusade to clean up the city.Bet we do a lot more laughin' than you do cleanin'

anonymous
anonymous

Also, they are not "tickets", they become warrants, without your knowledge. That is how Vice flies in Dallas. And, they are not Class C's, they are B's, you must be arrested to take care of it.

Dallas is dirty.

cp
cp

Have you not checked out the back pages of this paper for a "metropolitan city"?

anonymous
anonymous

Already have a a Bachelor's Degree. Don't assume the worst in women, I work very ethically.

Sorry you are jealous of my financial success. I work and save my money, diligently. I do not rely on, nor use men for money. Accentuate the positive and be less judgmental. This will assure you will be happy. Good luck !

Shakespeare
Shakespeare

Methinks the lady doth protest too much

cp
cp

So glad you made five-large this last week, better put it toward your education...

anonymous
anonymous

For a man who insists, via "editor to subscriber/comment-reply" , that he does not enjoy these establishments, you sure as h*ll have a lot of personal stripper stories. When you write a story in a derogatory manner towards a group of women, you may want to exclude your wh*re stories, as you are a absolute hypocrite! OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T GET LUCKY, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVEN WANT TO DANCE FOR A MAN WHO INSULTS WOMEN? THE VERY WOMEN THAT BRING IN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS INTO YOUR FAIR CITY. FAIR IS BEING KIND. KEEP S*CKING UP TO THE PIGS, THEY ARE EVEN BIGGER HYPOCRITES! Do you have any clue to how many MARRIED COPS visit your city's clubs? Do you have any indication of how many Vice Officers have committed the very same "sex-act", if you will, with a dancer, then turns around and arrests/tickets her? You are the NO different, a hypocrite. Cops use women to make the city money by ticketing, and you use women to create a ridiculous, insulting story FOR YOUR BENEFIT AT WORK.However, Roberto, it back-fired and you look like angry gay man or a rejected tool. When you defend yourself to a reader, you look even more desperate. I have made over $5,000. this week alone, with all the inclement weather. How much did you make this week, Bob?

You truly lack mind progression and common decency. Your stories, in general, lack merit and are generally show favoritism, depending on who's *ss your kissing that week. Many citizens are very aware of your "style". Your motives and agenda are political and personal. Do yo really think we don't put two and two together re: who you report on??

 
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