Dallas's E.D. Problem: Nothing Several Tons of Steel Won't Fix

A bridge too far: Oh, now we get it. Silly Buzz. A couple of weeks ago we wrote about the city council's plan to spend $10.7 million—$3.5 million of it in your money—to get Spanish architect Santiago Calatrava to design a cheaper fancy suspension bridge on Interstate 30 over the Trinity River. We intimated that was a bad idea, seeing how the city is, as Buzz's mother would say, "broke flatter than piss on a plate."

What we didn't realize then was how important it is to have a super-cool bicycle and pedestrian bridge, which is the latest plan. As Assistant City Manager Jill Jordan told the council last week, the trimmings are necessary to make the bridge "more memorable" and improve economic development.

Ah, yes. "Economic development." District 14 council member Angela Hunt makes a carefully crafted argument against overpriced bridges, but even she gets pwned as soon as someone says the words "economic development." They're like magic little pills, those words. Solving the city's E.D. problem (let's call it that for short) trumps all. Nothing short of a shot of Spanish architectural gadfly and a complex arrangement of steel trusses and cables will get us our flaccid economy back to the firm, throbbing state we desire.

Now, some of you may be wondering how a fancy bridge contributes more than, say, a plain bridge that gets you from point A to point B without wetting your feet. We don't really know, and Jordan wouldn't call us back to explain, but the council seemed assured that erecting this bridge would stimulate E.D. And it doesn't pay to overthink when you're struggling with E.D.

"This is Dallas," said council member Vonciel Jones Hill, who clearly has the "no thinking" thing down. "This is how we do things. We do it in a big way."

Added fellow council member Steve Salazar: "No one remembers the little things we do."

And no man wants to be remembered for little things. Especially a man with an E.D. problem.

We don't have the heart to tell him that no one is going to remember him regardless. In fact, let's all come up with a way to remember him that's better than a bridge. What if we all stop referring to potholes by that name and call them "Salazars" instead, as in: "God damn it, that's the third Salazar this block. I think I just cracked a tooth."

With all that money getting dumped into fancy foot bridges, chances are we'll remember him for a long, long time.

 
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15 comments
TRexLex
TRexLex

What a colossal waste of money, and I like to cycle. Since they want appearance over substance (a world-class city), how 'bout making it a hologram bridge, just a projection? Everybody can see it but it won't cost millions.

JeffHReynolds
JeffHReynolds

First... where is this bridge leading people? Does anyone really, honestly now... does anyone really want to travel across this bridge to points beyond? From what I remember, the area that this bridge would lead to isn't an area that I would want my friends or family venturing into... and that's on either end of that bridge. Especially on foot or on a bike. Second... why wasn't a local firm hired to design it? Why do we need to be sending our hard earned money to some international firm... especially at this time? Third... can the city actually afford to build a bridge given it's rather precarious financial condition? Fourth... is the expenditure of these limited funds appropriate for such a bridge when we have other serious infrastructure problems?

Brenda Hitt
Brenda Hitt

Layoff hundreds of EDUCATORS, build a bridge that costs 10.7 mil. Yep, that's what we need, fewer teachers so that we can double or triple the population of IGNORANT people that make decisions like this.

FLW
FLW

"Ask a chef to substitute key ingredients and the signature dish is no longer."Doubtful this bridge will make Mr. Calatrava's coffee tbl. book. Dallas is sohung up on these name brand architects. Status over substance.The Kalita Humphrey Theater is a prime example of a watered down projectby a 20th century great. A Bentley with no hub caps.

Wandererx
Wandererx

Maybe they should use their words instead of ACRONYMS. It sounds like an article about Erectile Dysfunction that can be cured with a few tons of steel.

Wandererx
Wandererx

The Acronym is not appreciated

owen
owen

I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE SPANISH FLU !!! F THAT BRIDGE

J. Edwin Martin
J. Edwin Martin

I have been calling the potholes "Laura Millers"since the the midterm of her reign of error.

Jogiyo2002
Jogiyo2002

Sigh, where do we find these writers? Hoist up the cross and throw stones at the crucified few who attempt to breathe life into a city. Pubescent-like sexual innuendos? Really? How crude, annoying and illustrative of limited intellect. Praise to the bold city managers who understand that we can go on fixing potholes and building condos but without some design initiatives and creative investment the city will not GROW. Look, it is a smart long term investment for a city to squeeze whatever it can out of the budget to build things that might attract. There are so many examples of cities that have already done this and those are the cities we are competing with. There is much work to be done, granted, but the old way of doing things has to change. Boring buildings, bridges, streets and condos will not do if you want a city to prosper. So put away your issues, judgements, and bizarre innuendos. Lets focus on making Dallas great. You can start by studying economic impacts of expressive artistic investments. Maybe then you will no longer worry about what or who is flaccid and you might focus on improving the appearance and attractiveness of Dallas. Focus.

Steve
Steve

Great article...well written and hits the point dead on.

The Pagan Perspective
The Pagan Perspective

The real life workings Dallas City Council would make for great TV scripts. Problem is, deciding whether to make it a WB sitcom; a Fox reality show; or an regular segment of MSNBC's "Lockup". And this, boys and girls is why mommy and daddy took their tax dollars to the suburbs.

Dennis Gonzalez
Dennis Gonzalez

Several years ago the City Arts people hired three visual artists to put together some artwork to grace the currently-being-built Calatrava Continental bridge. I was one of them. We worked for months on it, and being from Oak Cliff, I was particularly happy to be assigned the artwork that would make up the Oak Cliff foot of the bridge, where Continental comes down onto Beckley. I was never told the reason, but I, for one, was removed from the project, having proposed a multi-cultural version of Mama Wati/La Sirena to be placed in paving stones at the intersection. I have recently realized that quite possibly it is the little things, like the many cultures of Oak Cliff, that are swept under the rug, and the big things that tower over our city unfinished, and expensive.

Nunya
Nunya

What exactly are the educational requirements to be a city council member?

Judging solely from the ineptitude of the current crop, the bar needs to be raised. Tremendously.

Donfordtx
Donfordtx

we have lost our damn minds if we allow this kind of thinking to go on any longer! get out of my pocket with these plans and face the real issues! this does not solve the problems dallas is facing. we are up against a wall and it is gonna fall right on top of our empty heads, but since we are being stupid as a city, and letting the powers that be go right ahead.....we will get what we get. enough already. enough! time to sweep the whole pack of em into the river....but we can have them take a take a long walk off of a short plank....from their oh so fancy bridge.

Guest
Guest

Hahahaha, you suck.

 
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