Spiral Diner: Vegan That Doesn't Suck. And we're not full of baloney. At least today we're not.

Spiral Diner is a vegan diner in Oak Cliff. Every vegan cliché is there: massage therapist business cards; dreads; a flier suggesting that we all get together and build a dog park; good-for-you-smelling air mixed with patchouli stank; employees who are all totally, sincerely, Jehovah's Witness nice all the time. At almost every booth there's a hardback copy of Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals, which is a book about people who are vaginas. And the worst part of all: There's not an ounce of meat or dairy anywhere to be found.

It's not the end of the world, but as someone who appreciates a good meat circus, it's a little bit like buying tickets to the Austin City Limits Music Festival and finding out Stevie Wonder is headlining. Fuck it, you probably go anyway, but there's a big part of you that's like, "This. Is. Bullshit."

I heard the Jamaican Jerk BBQ San'ich is fantastic, so I ordered that. It's multigrain tempeh marinated in jerk sauce. It's blackened and topped with grilled pineapple and lettuce, tomato and onions on multigrain bread. As a safety measure, I also tried the creamy lemon pasta. It's penne pasta with a cashew cream sauce, lemon, a ton of veggies, capers and topped with big-as-your-butt grilled asparagus (Seriously, the asparagus are not-fuckin'-around huge. Prepare to experience peesparagus for a solid month.)

While I waited for food, I drank about 50 gallons of my new favorite fizzy drink, Oogave's watermelon cream soda. It was so good it tasted like summer banging a lollipop.

Of the two entrées, I preferred the pasta. It was vegan, but it didn't taste like there was any funny business going on. Just veggies and pasta with a nice sauce.

I liked the Jamaican Jerk BBQ San'ich, and I appreciated that the tempeh wasn't acting like soy always does, trying to pretend it's meat. The tempeh was like, "I'm weird. Kinda like a big old seasoned wad of nut rice. Deal with it." I just think I need to stick with the Visitor Vegan Person and not Legit Vegan Person options.

Spiral Diner, thanks for the shockingly unshitty food. Also, I apologize for humping your Oogave soda fountain.

 
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11 comments
Amy Lynn Hunt
Amy Lynn Hunt

Erm, am I the only person who read this?

"At almost every booth there's a hardback copy of Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals, which is a book about people who are vaginas"

Classy. You're paid to do this?

EddieG
EddieG

Love this piece! :D

zan
zan

This is shockingly bad.

Cambyrd
Cambyrd

Do yourself a favor. Go listen to every single album by Stevie Wonder from Talking Book to Songs in the Key of Life (1972-1976). You will want to revise your article afterward.

Nick R.
Nick R.

This is the best Cheap Bastard yet.

Rhonda221
Rhonda221

When in God's name is the Observer going to hire a new restaurant critic?

Big Bud Goode
Big Bud Goode

If Stevie Wonder is there, I'm in. Better a genius than some chick singer.

veggiepants
veggiepants

the jamaican jerk is the absolute worst thing on that menu. a good friend would have steered you to something more delicious and equally legit-vegan good, like the ate layer burrito or the VLT or the chickenless salad sandwich. omg i'm drooling.

Rachel
Rachel

Jonathan Safran Foer's _Eating Animals_ is not about people who are vaginas. Just sayin'.

David
David

I think the book might be about that.

 
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