Go see that ol' bitchbag Chelsea Handler on Saturday. Tickets are expensive ($59.50 and $69.50), but they should be. Someone's gotta pay for Brad Wollack's perms. Josh, His Giant Forehead and Heather McDonald will be there, too. The whole gang is coming to town to celebrate Lies That Chelsea Told Me, a book about the value of honesty, friendship and same-sex side hugs. Actually, it's a book about pranks and pranking people. I like to prank people, too, that's why I'm letting my cat write this. She's up to 60 words per minute. It's crazy, but not as crazy as the fact that you can see Chelsea and Co. on stage at 8 p.m. Saturday at Verizon Theater in Grand Prairie. Remember when it was called Nokia? Remember when no one cared? I know! Me too! If you're not big on paying for things, but are huge on battling crowds, catch Chelsea at A Real Bookstore in Fairview, Texas also on Saturday, but at 3 p.m. And no, she won't autograph your Hanes Her Ways so don't even try. Not even if you bribe her with a bottle of Belvedere and a hint of pube. Books only. Sorry, underpants. Visit ticketmaster.com.
Sat., June 18, 8 p.m., 2011