If you like the idea of going on a cruise, except for the part about being on a boat, or the part where you have to get a passport (which would be a good idea to get started on now, if you're thinking about leaving the country in about five years), SummerFest at the Gaylord Texan (1501 Gaylord Trail, Grapevine) sounds like it features all the cheesy fun of the Lido Deck without the need for Dramamine. Unless Dramamine is how you get your kids to stop jumping on the damned hotel beds and go the hell to sleep, in which case you are a bad parent, and also we recommend the grape-flavored chewable version. SummerFest, ongoing through September 5, features such cruise-worthy amenities as spa packages; strolling entertainers offering caricatures, balloon art and juggling displays; poolside temporary tattoos and body glitter; fireworks; day-trip excursions to the most touristy of tourist attractions; and enough food and drink specials and cooking classes to make you forget all about the all-hours Carnival soft-serve. Ticket prices vary from free to $180 for hotel guests. Visit gaylordhotels.com for SummerFest package offers.
June 24-Sept. 5, 2011