How do Mennonites cut the cheese in Mexico?

Dear Mexican: A few years ago, my girlfriend and I visited the beautiful city of Merida in the Yucatan. We were surprised to see a sentence in our guidebook warning us to be on the lookout for Mennonites peddling queso in the mercado. Sure enough, we bumped into a bearded, light-skinned Mennonite carrying cheese! As we left Merida and drove into the heart of the peninsula we noticed that the Mennonite farmers were the only ones to own modern farm equipment. After seeing two Mennonite farmers broken down on the side of the road, it was clear no Mexicans were going to stop and help them. Can you tell us more about this unusual population of Mennonites in a predominantly Catholic country? How did they get to the Yucatan, why are they seemingly better off than other Mexican farmers and how do Catholic Mexicans feel about them?

—Ecumenical Eric

Dear Gabacho: Actually, Mexico's main concentration of its 26,000 Mennonites is in the northern part of the country, specifically in the state of Chihuahua. Their ancestors arrived in the 1920s from Canada at the invitation of then-president Álvaro Obregón, who's perhaps better remembered for erecting a monument in Mexico City to his blown-off arm. Obregón gave the Mennonites special economic protection, which allowed their religious colonies to quickly prosper, especially in the agriculture that Mennonites (God bless their Anabaptist ways) concentrate on even to this day. Mexicans generally like Mennonites — they're not heretics like Mormons or those pendejos Pentecostals and pose little threat to the Catholic Church. More important, however, Mexis can't get enough of their legendary queso menonita, milky cheese sold across the country, soft and mild and bueno. They remain the best Europeans to ever invade Mexico, with the exception of the Doors when they toured the country way back cuando.

Your two responses to the recent questions about Mexicans not wanting to migrate legally to the United States and how you would secure our borders couldn't be more guilty of skip-logic. There is a finite number of resources in this country, a finite number of jobs, housing, etc. It has nothing to do with what country you are coming from — if you enter illegally, you are breaking the law, and every day you are here illegally you are breaking the law. Period. Bringing in drugs, or more border guards or fences isn't the issue. You're criminals if you are here illegally. I don't care how crappy the water or housing or whatever in Mexico City is. Be born here, or come here legally; other than that, you are no different than a drunk driver or robber or carjacker. You're breaking the law.

—Made in 'Merica

Dear Gabacho: ... except that the crimes you mentioned are usually felonies committed with malice, while the act of entering this country illegally is generally classified as a misdemeanor for the first offense, and the super-vast majority of those initial offenders are coming in for a better life. Please take your Malthusian conspiracies elsewhere, pendejo.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Is actually a gabacha: Enamorada Gabacho. In 2006, she asked the Mexican how she could calm down her nervous Mexi guy. My response was wisdom for the ages: Give him a blowjob. She just wrote in with an update five years later:

"Enamorada Gabacha and her gorgeous, kind Mexican guy are still together after all these years. We bought a house together not too long after my initial letter to you, so it definitely wasn't a one-night stand or a midnight run to the border. Must have been your marvelous advice! Best of all my white, Midwestern farm/ranch family loves him because, finally, I got a real man who knows how to work with his hands and build things instead of some dumb white city boy. It's all good!"

Gracias for the update — now, go make some beautiful tan babies!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

 
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12 comments
Juan_barona
Juan_barona

Wow.. i am embarrased to see a fellow Mexican writing an article like the way you do...

Mr. America
Mr. America

Listen pendejo...maybe if your people had something to offer and make this country a better place instead of turning their barrios into crapholes, we would welcome more of them. But that just ain't gonna happen. Plus, 99% of them don't pay income tax and quite frankly, I'm tired of my tax dollars going to help fund the over 66,000 illegal immigrant births in Texas.

A better life you say.....drive around Oak Cliff and West Dallas, does it look like they are helping make anything better. Take up the better life argument with the Mexican government.

oakcliffpride
oakcliffpride

immigrants do pay taxes , IRS give a temporary SSN to report taxes at the end of the year so ucle sam gets his cut and so does the illigal tax payer .

dee
dee

It's racist inconsiderate people like you that keep this country at war.

NOTAMEXICAN
NOTAMEXICAN

@Dee you are now witnessing racism in its purest form. It is an illogical notion or sentiment that is ascertained from assumptions and sterotypes. The whole act of prejudice entails Pre-Judging. We say a moron like "Mr America" an functionally illiterate imbecile trying to sound intelligent. The situation is humorous, a paradox to say the least. You ask how does he know that ALL Mexicans espouse these values? has he conducted a survey, spoken with at least 80% of the population? What about the social and political variables which contribute to their poverty, and depressed standard of living? He is not intelligent enough to accurately assess the situation. FYI the next time you see one of these functionally illiterate biatches pretending to be smart, remember they are not, because this is proof!!

Shaggywack2000
Shaggywack2000

No "dee," it's just people like you that confuse racism with logic and simple truths.

Mr. America
Mr. America

I'm not racist and acutally have many hispanic, black and asian friends...who happen to feel the same way as I do. So, I'm inconsiderate by stating truths...I guess the truth hurts some people like you.

Last time I checked we weren't at war with Mexico, maybe you have different information that no one else does. The millions of ilegal immigrants here aren't inconsiderate by any means are they...thinking just because they come here they deserve more than acutal US citizens. Get real lady.

Mr. America
Mr. America

Oh you really hurt my feelings, I'll go back to my cave now...Where do you come up with your non-sensical, ignorant diatribe you stupid bastard.

Texas belonged to the native amercians long before the Mexicans who stole it from them, can't argue with that now can you...

NOTAMEXICAN
NOTAMEXICAN

When confronted with their racist opinions, racist white poeple always cite I have many mexican, black, and asian etc., friends. The truth is Mr America, you intellectually supressed, uneducated retard. Your neighbor who exchanges the greeting of the day is not a friend, nor is the black co-worker that you might have tried to get fired, a friend. I am NOT SURPRISED that you are TEXAN. The epitomy of the worthless, uneducated LAZY white trash with a false sense of entitlement. PLEASE REMEMBER YOU JACKASS, TEXAS WAS MEXICO until it was stolen from them. WHY DON"T you go back to your cave, you phucking neanderthal!!

Dr. D
Dr. D

That is the most uneducated comment I have ever heard! It's clear who the "Pendejo" really is!

Mr. America
Mr. America

Uneducated you say, so according to you stating the truth is a sign of lack of education. The 99% not paying taxes is an exaggeration, but probably not too far from the truth. The 66,000 illegal immigrant births in texas last year is a cold hard fact. The figures came from an article in the Dallas Morning News; a fact left out was that 11,000 of the 66,000 births were at Parkland. I sued the pendejo coment beacuse the wonderful author of this column referred to someone else by that term.

Spideyfanatik
Spideyfanatik

Shut the fuck up already!! Nobody cares about your stupid Educated and Informative comments!

 
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