Tony Romo Just Can't Help Himself

That's why he keeps on hurting himself and his team.

Tony Romo is a strip club at last call. And this time isn't like all those other nights, when 2 a.m. rolled around, the lights came on and no matter all the personal conversations and business transactions being forged, the girls vanished, and you were ushered out shoulder-to-slumped-shoulder with the other naive losers tricked into thinking they were on the verge of winning.

No, tonight's featured dancer has kickin' curves. Sultry eyes. And, in an upset, she wants you. Couple of drinks. Witty banter. A hand on your leg. Whisper in your ear. Boom, she takes it all off. Well, not all of it. But almost. And she's agreed to join you for late-night breakfast.

But under the fluorescent light of the parking lot street lamp, she's suddenly less than hot. As she tromps to her car in baggy blue jeans and a too-tight T-shirt, she clumsily spills her bag. And as she bends over to pick up her keys, she exposes love handles, bad tattoos and stark reality. She's on the phone, cussing her latest ex- to "watch the kids a little longer." Oh, make no mistake, she still wants you. But only for a cigarette light, a jump for her Fiero's dead battery and that tall stack of Waffle House pancakes you promised.

That's right. It's happened. Again. One night a blonde, the next a brunette. The details change but the Cowboys' ultimate tease remains their attractive, engaging, infuriatingly deceitful quarterback.

Admit it. I will. On Opening Night against the New York Jets, I got sucked in once again by his talent and found myself lost in lust for his potential. But then? Monday morning, as usual, I woke up alone with a broken heart and an empty wallet, wholly unsatisfied after another night of dismissing the Tony Romo I've been introduced to so many times, in order to stubbornly chase the Tony Romo I'm desperate to believe exists.

"We were in position to win the football game, and I made mistakes that cost us," Romo said after Dallas' kick-to-the-crotch, 27-24 opening loss. "That's why we lost. I cost us the football game. That's frustrating. It's disappointing to work very hard to make sure that you're put in those positions to win the game, and it's hard to swallow a game like that. I've got to be better. That's the bottom line."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ... Oh, forget it. With Romo, I've lost count.

The Cowboys should be 1-0 heading to San Francisco this week. They played their asses off at the Meadowlands against considerable odds. The inexperienced, injured offensive line held up. The patchwork secondary — down to fourth and fifth cornerbacks Alan Ball and Bryan McCann — kept Dallas in the game. Dez Bryant dominated early before disappearing (no catches over the final 52:17). Felix Jones ran tough between the tackles. Sean Lee arrived at linebacker. Even rookie kicker Dan Bailey made a field goal.

But instead they are 0-1, saddled with the Jersey Sore reality that they coughed up a 14-point, fourth-quarter lead for the first time in 243 games. Instead of starting the season with a signature victory, Jason Garrett now has his fourth loss as head coach, each by a margin of three or fewer points. And instead of leading a team like a 31-year-old captain in his fifth season as a starting quarterback, Romo regressed into Tony Turnover, a dark, daring alter ego who threatens to detour this season and his legacy right into the shitter.

The worst part is, the Cowboys don't need Romo to be perfect. Merely prudent. For years under Bill Parcells and Wade Phillips, Romo delicately balanced his instincts as a fighter pilot and his role as a bus driver. Some days he'd produce a highlight-film fumble recovery and run, like against the St. Louis Rams in 2007. Others he'd force a mind-numbing interception, like against the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2008. As one of the NFL's best ad-libbing quarterbacks, he struggled with "Scramble!" on this shoulder and "Safe!" on the other. After what happened at Met Life Stadium, a refresher course is apparently in order.

There were moments to make you forget all that last night, including the perfect pass to tight end Jason Witten that went for 64 yards and set up the Cowboys first-and-goal from the Jets' 3. Then he made you remember, as he went rogue, rookie and rotten. Up 24-17 and with nine minutes remaining a touchdown was preferable, but a field goal would've provided a 10-point lead. On third-and-goal there are several acceptable outcomes: completion, incompletion, sack, intentional grounding. There are two unacceptable ones, and Romo found one of them. He went with heart over head and took off on a gutsy, gullible head-first dive toward the goal line when his protection crumbled. He was drilled by Jets lineman Mike DeVito and fumbled. I understand instincts and all, but Mavericks hero Dirk Nowitzki eventually learned he had to take the last shot, double-teamed or not. At some point Rangers ace C.J. Wilson will stop reaching for comebackers with his bare hand, and Josh Hamilton will stop his violent head-first slides. And eventually Romo will learn to slide in that situation.

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26 comments
roxupset
roxupset

Romo is subject to the calls from the head coach. When you have a 24 points lead it is time to keep the ball on the ground and grind time away. The Cowboys are awesome. The defense crammed the Lions. The Lions did not win the Cowboys lost. Bad scheme. We can still go to the playoffs when everyone stops trying to run up the score.

Allen36crawford
Allen36crawford

RickIt not his % of interceptions that upset us. It is where and when his mistakes happen. He ha the uncanny ability to screwup at the wrong time. Most leaders protect a lead where it seems as if Tony falls apart. Maybe we should use him until we get the lead then put in someone else and let them protect that lead. Used sucessful in baseball.

The Genius
The Genius

he's an avg. qb who got a big raise, he can make a good team do well but he ain't making an avg. team more than avg.- even troy couldn't do that.

Rick
Rick

Lets face it Lac09, you wouldnt know a good quarterback even if one was right infront of you, like now. Romo is statistically as good or better than any quarterback in Cowboys history. The problem comes with the surrounding cast. The offensive line for example has been sh*t since the end of the Aikman era. Mr. Perfect himself, Tom Brady, would have hell playing for this team. You are a fool if you think Romo is the problem. Here is a quick zinger for you Romo haters. Romo has the second lowest percentage rate in Cowboys history for throwing interceptions. Second only to Aikman, but by less than 1 percent. But wait, I thought his problem was throwing interceptions? Hmm...

Lac09
Lac09

let's face it, tony you are not worth playing for the Dallas Cowboys, you stink, you have cause so many mistakes , quit!!!! you are a born loser, who think that you have it all, well you don't . the only good thing that you accomplished getting rid of jessica, even thou she has more money than you.

ab
ab

Just bring back Kitna.... Cowboys did significantly better during the second half of last season after Romo broke his collar bone and was out.

His paycheck is a sunk cost.. stop trying to recover it by letting him lose more games...

Spf_68
Spf_68

You cant be serious. Please do everyone a favor and stop watching football.

Jerry Carl Hibberd
Jerry Carl Hibberd

I think Romo has the skills to lead the Cowboys to the Super Bowl. I'm not convinced that he is evaluating himself regarding his personal strength and fitness.Talent isa great asset but as "Tom" said weakness makes cowards( mistakes) of us all .

HAL 9000
HAL 9000

This is Tony's last year as a Cowboy. There was a good reason why he was second and third string for so long. Not that it matters much, as long as Jerry drives this bus, my beloved Cowboys will never win another Super Bowl.

Dallas Fan
Dallas Fan

Does anybody remember steve young, maybe he needs a shrink

Artie
Artie

It was a sad game. But fair weather fans are losers themselves. Give him a chance to get back in the saddle. 1st game back remember. BTW weren't they 14 point underdogs.

John Doe
John Doe

I'm supporting Romo. I remember John Elway's career very well. He always had a big smile on his face even while losing. He won next to impossible games. But Elway always came up short until the very end of his career.

Allforthegame
Allforthegame

I believe that until the head coach is allowed to make those tough decisions about benching or even trading players if they don't listen to him, the cowboys will never again win a Super Bowl.

mynameisURL
mynameisURL

Well, Jason *did* call him "an awfully good football player" during the press conference.

If that's not a ringing endorsement of the $60 million dollar man, I don't know what is.

Where's Kitna when you need him?

Spf_68
Spf_68

Kitna is on the bench, right where he should be.

Normastandridge
Normastandridge

Put in another QB and keep him on the bench until he decides that he wants to play and be a real Dallas Football player. I quit routing for the Cowboys because of Tony, he really needs to grow up and be the player he should be. Until some important decisions are made about him, things are not going to change. How does his teamplayers think of all of this, they work hard to win and he throws it away. Get a new Quarterback.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

This ^^^^^

The Cowboys won more games last year with Kitna than with Romo. Don't tell me that it was the coaching change that won those games. A coach is not more important than the starting QB. Kitna won those games. Put him back in because that dude hates to lose. Romo just loves to play.

JB
JB

And you sports sheeple will line up at the trough every time, eager to lose yourself in 'the game'. Regardless of how badly 'your team' plays, you will still love them and lavish your dollars upon the team and all their trashy 'souvenirs'. Professional sports is nothing but a low brow version of the infamous Roman fashion of 'bread and circuses' to keep the masses amused and distracted from what their government is doing to them...

Yet, you 'fans' never catch on, largely because it requires thinking and acting on your own beliefs and opinions. You are unable to break the social conditioning that says you must be sports fans, regardless of how inane it is to throw hard-earned dollars at entertainers who care about nothing but gaining your money for themselves.

mynameisURL
mynameisURL

What then would you do with nobody at which to spew your smug snottery?

Glynn
Glynn

Why doesn't Dallas get rid of the man? He has no class and the Cowboys are a classy team with heart and soul in their games but this person does not belong in the organization. How many mistakes are you going to allow him to make. Surely not just one more.This man does not walk and talk like a Dallas Cowboy football player, all he can talk about is the things he didn't do or should have done. Dallas has cut some mighty fine football players from their roster but this is one fellow that needs to be at the top of the list and action should be taken now to improve team morale.

Bastion of Truth
Bastion of Truth

you are kidding right? Dallas Cowboys and class? Ha that shit is funnier than any blue collar comedy tour Ive seen. Michael Irvin, Deion, Nate, Terry Glenn, T.O. yeah thats a lot of class buddy. The Cowboys havent known class for 2 decades. Class went out the window when JJ came along. He may not be the best QB in the league, but he aint Quincy Carter or Tony Banks.

Storm_71
Storm_71

Hey what about Dez................oh wait.

zorro
zorro

liquified macrobiotic bovine wash...

Travis Rex
Travis Rex

another FAIL season on the horizon..

 
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