By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
So you're probably wondering why Buzz would name Caraway Man of the Year, a distinction that comes with our old bowling trophy and lifetime invite to our weekly poker game. First, read what he said when Buzz called him to ask about his 2011: "I think I accomplished a lot of great things in 2011. In fact, it was one of my best years, minus a few bumps and bruises. ... These were just distractions, and a lot of great things happened."
Buzz was tempted to ask him what meds he was taking. Calling Caraway's first months of 2011 "a few bumps and bruises" is like calling Elizabeth Taylor "under the weather."
In the middle of our chat, Caraway paused to take a call from his mother, to talk about the new baby about to be delivered into the extended family of a 30-year-old Oak Cliff woman already raising 13 children — her own, her imprisoned sister's and those of a neighbor with a drug problem. In December, Caraway led a group of volunteers and church members who gave the family's home a complete makeover. Now, 13 kids are sleeping in beds instead of on the floor, Caraway said, and he sounded truly happy that a new baby was about to enter a city he believes is getting ever better.
Maybe Buzz is falling for a politician's soppy line, but so what? It's a mostly harmless line. Caraway practices his faith, plays poker with his dad, helps the needy and, most endearing of all, doesn't even screen his mom's calls. As for Arthur and Archie, well, all politicians lie. The best we can hope for is that they tell small lies and are really bad at it.
Caraway went on to talk about some of his reasons for being pleased about 2011 — his wife is running for the U.S. House, the city has shut down some drug houses, the Convention Center hotel opened and southern Dallas is getting a Walmart, despite environmental objections from some North Dallas council members. His wish for 2012 is that northern and southern Dallas will come together as a unified, improving city where every person has easy access to inexpensive, poorly made Chinese-manufactured clothing and housewares. (OK, we made up that last part.)
"We need to make sure that folks understand that we're one city," is what Caraway really said. "It's my dream and wish that we will honor that status so people will be excited to move here. ... We have to keep Dallas alive."
Here's hoping you get your wish, councilman, and, unlike the next guy in this story, may the feds never darken your door. If they do, please hide your trophy.
The Equity Player Award
John Wiley Price
Caraway's home wasn't the only local politician's to be visited by law enforcement officers in 2011, but we doubt Dallas County Commissioner Price invited them to drop by what The Dallas Morning News delightfully referred to as Price's "bachelor pad."
When the FBI pays a visit, they bring their own invites. "If you got a warrant, I guess you're gonna come in," the Grateful Dead sang, and the FBI agents who tossed Price's office, home and cars in June — along with the offices of his chief assistant and political consultant — had a fistful of them. They were there to collect evidence for a federal grand jury investigation into ... into ... something pretty bad, we bet.
The feds aren't saying what, exactly, but luckily Dallas is teeming with reporters who will not be deterred by a trivial lack of information. Thanks to them, the city soon learned the Price investigation has something to do with how Price kept the books at the annual "Kwanzaafest" celebration he organizes.
Unless it's about the way he torpedoed a developer's plans for a warehouse and shipping project that promised jobs in southern Dallas while his political pals angled for an equity share in the business.
No, no, no. It's really all about county contracts ...
Or Price's car and jewelry collection ...
For Dallas news fans in 2011, the only thing more entertaining than speculating about what the feds are up to was watching scads of reporters scuttle about like the stars of Discovery Channel's "Shark Week," but with less decorum.
Buzz almost pitied Price, and would have too, if he weren't such an asshole. (Yes, it does take one to know one. That's what makes us qualified.)
For an example of the kind of mean-spirited, hectoring behavior that has made Price a brand name in dickishness, cast your mind back to February, when a group of voters went to a commissioners court meeting to protest Price's role in firing Bruce Sherbet, the long-serving and much respected county elections administrator, who is white.
"All of you are white. Go to hell," Price told them. He even called one of the speakers "fat boy."
Now Buzz supports any man's right to tell white people to go to hell; we don't want to spend eternity as a minority, after all. As a proud fat man, however, we are deeply offended. Haven't we suffered — and sweated and huffed — enough? Have you priced a bag of powdered doughnuts lately, Mr. Price? Don't judge us, sir, until you chafe a mile in our sweatpants.
Another restaurant cliaimed to use fresh mozz arella cheese,where it's dishes were actually made with economy cheddar.the "fresh pasta"advertieshed on another meau tumed out to be frozen.--Agedate. ℃⊙M--a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men,to interact with each other.
Love the picture of JWP. Reminds me of a song that goes to the tune of “someone’s in the kitchen with Dina:
John is in the slammer with Lee RoyJohn is in the slammer I know oh oh ohJohn is in the slammer with Lee RoyyyyyyyyyDown on cell block row.
John is in the shower with Lee RoyJohn is in the shower we know oh oh ohJohn is in the shower with Leeee RoyyyyyyyyPicking up a bar of soap!
That stirring that you feel in your gut isn't *Hope*, it's IBS.
Also, somehow I don't think JWP plays "catcher". (ifyaknowwhatimean)
Please, please, please, I'm begging you, let's make a New Year's resolution to never display JWP in his hot pants ever again. Ever. Seriously. Pretty please with sugar on top.
Celebrating America's prison rape culture? No thanks. That should be a serious source of embarrassment for our nation.
You are the wind beneath my wings, Hulk. Well, actually, that wind is methane, so you're probably right.