Mexicans, Mormons and Mitt: More Alike Than You Think

Dear Readers: I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but the ascendancy of Republic presidential candidate Mitt Romney must be addressed — namely, that he's half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a revelation — never mind that I addressed this issue during the last presidential campaign.

Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, it says, "There shall none come into this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord." I want as many Mexicans in this country as possible, and then I want to tell them about Joseph Smith and get them baptized.

—Love My Brown Brothers

Dear Gabacho: While we're talking about Moroni worshipers, can you do me a favor and ask Mitt Romney why he's such an ingrate toward Mexicans? After all, Romney probably would've been some Jack Mormon jerk-off if it weren't for porous fronteras and living in violation of a country's laws. His great-grandfather Miles Park Romney fled los Estados Unidos for Mexico during the 1880s to escape American authorities and continue his polygamous ways, while Mitt's papi, George, was born in Chihuahua. One final point, Brown Brothers: por favor, tell Mitt and all other Mexican-hating LDSers that the Book of Mormon requires amnesty for illegals.

I heard Mormonism is a quickly spreading religion down in ye olde Mexico. What is it about this religion that a lot of Mexicans find so fascinating?

—Jack Mormón

Dear Gabacho: Historically? Mexico has long had the second-largest community of Mormons in the world after the United States — official LDS figures estimate 1.2 million members live in Mexico, a significant increase from the 783,000 estimated in 1999. This community has existed for almost 135 years, created after polygamous Mormons who wanted to keep their multiple wives moved down south. Sociologically? Mormons are masters of proselytizing. Theologically? My understanding of Mormonism is that it places an emphasis on the family, encourages couples to have as many children as possible, stresses the dominion of the husband over the family and hates homosexuals. If those attributes aren't appealing to Mexicans, then I'm Moroni himself.

 
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how come the hispanics that come here are all becoming Pentacostals and Charismatics rather than staying Catholic? none of the men go to any church, until time for their daughter's quinc.

 
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