By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
Dear Mexican: This question was inspired by the recent video you did on the Republicanos and the Latina/o vote. What's your opinion of Cuban-American and Tea Party cariñito Marco Rubio? All this talk about him being the "Hispanic" savior of the Republican Party by being the vice-presidential nominee is getting to me. Are Latina/o voters that ignorant to vote for someone as hypocritical to serious issues that conscious gente care about like, say, small businesses, poverty, education, healthcare ... híjole, I think I'm forgetting one here ... oh yeah: IMMIGRATION! This guy is just a vendido that has dollar signs lightening up his cara de tonto.
—Bothered in Boyle Heights
Dear Wab: Are you kidding me? Conscious Xicanos like you and I should be THRILLED at the prospect of Rubio running as the VP on the GOP presidential ticket! Such a move will prove once and por siempre that the Republicans only care about Latinos as tokens. How else can you explain the rapid ascendancy of Rubio, a no-name Florida state representative until Tea Partiers embraced him in 2010 during his U.S. Senate run so no one could accuse them of being anti-Latino? He's yet to do anything of any substance in Washington other than read talking points about liberty this and chinga Obama that; if a Reep presidential candidate chose Rubio, it'd obviously only be to not only shield themselves from anti-Latino accusations (look: we have a brownie!), but to also use the anti-amnesty, anti-DREAM Act coño hypocrite to act as their attack dog against charges of racism (our policies aren't racist because our brownie says so!). Mexi voters will see through the GOP's pendejo and vote for the only presidential candidate that truly has our interests in mind: Alfred E. Neuman.
I traveled to Juarez to see the Real Mexico, and boy was I disappointed. Not a single man in white pajamas with his donkey leaning against a cactus. No women with baskets of fruit on their heads. To show how I loved their culture I mentioned Speedy Gonzales and the Frito Bandito, but people looked at me funny. No one accosted me on the street with "Hey Meestair, for 10 bucks you can fuck my mother; she's a virgin." Where do I go for a taste of the Real Mexico?
—Donkey Show Devotee
Dear Gabacho: Try the minds of Hollywood executives.