Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Sucking in the 1800s

The logical outer limit of the whole horror-as-metaphor thing, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter shoehorns the entire personal history of the 16th president into mega-budget The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires chop-socky/grind house schlock, and casts the seditious South as a nation of slave-sucking undead. "History," narrates Abe (Benjamin Walker), "prefers nobility to brutality" -- a fact redressed by Seth Grahame-Smith's screenplay, in which the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies author adapts his second cutesy-clever pulp-historical mash-up. Young Mr. Lincoln loses his mother -- who actually died from drinking bad milk -- to a vampire's bite, takes up training under hunter Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), and learns to search and destroy Nosferatu with his rail-splitter's silver-edged ax, finally setting his sights on head vampire Adam (Rufus Sewell), who lives in the ripe antebellum splendor of a Simon Legree. Shot by the estimable Caleb Deschanel and projected in wholly unnecessary 3-D, Vampire Hunter's bleached palette makes it the ugliest major-studio release this year, though it needs be said that Kazakh director Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) approaches the material with a degree of Eurotrash insouciance that is probably necessary to approach it at all and crisply handles set pieces involving a horse stampede and a runaway munitions train. Possible resulting "fun" is only slightly mitigated by contemplation of the wearisome decadence of American popular culture.

 
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10 comments
Daniel
Daniel

And yet you are still willing to corrupt the character and perception of America's leaders for your enjoyment? If so you should be ashamed.

Mikey
Mikey

This writing in this article is clear as blood and is left wholly un-mitigated by its' wearisome cadence.

Jag40
Jag40

WOW, I will have to get my dictionary out for that review.

Reggie
Reggie

I love the premise. Can' wait to see Washington take on zombies, or Teddy thwart an alien invasion. God forbid you make a movie that is creatively fun. We are talking about yet another hipster doofus, Brian Griffin wannabe writer, so I guess the only way this would have worked is if Woody Allen and Michael Moore had wrote it, and Sean Penn and Jane Fonda had starred in it. Wouldn't that have been a fun movie. *nope*

FWS Officer Sloan
FWS Officer Sloan

The movie was pretty flippin cool. I don't know what people expected, but I liked how they put a secret behind the life of Lincoln. They did an ok job of mixing in fact with fiction and fantasy. I didn't like some things and some things was not historically correct, but then, this is a Hollywood fictional story. Its always cool to see the new ways Hollywood comes up with killing people. A good guy, with 1800's Ninja powers, as an axed Vampire murderer, awesome, to say the least.

Abby
Abby

I liked the movie, but all the vampire stuff- was too much for me. I would of just liked a movie about the life of Abe Lincoln. Being from Illinois, just the life of Abe Lincoln would of been a better movie for me. From Chicago to Dallas.

-mark.
-mark.

Soooo.... you liked it. Right? Im so confused.

Kevin Womack
Kevin Womack

This has got to be the most pretentious review I've seen in awhile. It's as if you were writing the article for your peers or other critics in hopes that they would circle-jerk to your inightfulness! Don't know if I will see the movie but I can tell you that your review didn' help my decision one way or the other. Have fun at The Observer. I see Alcoholism and self loathing in your future (or possibly present).

Vbeanes
Vbeanes

how laughable and stupid. It just proves that anything can make a profit.

jack r
jack r

Read the book, hoping movie is at least ok.

 

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