By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
Dear Mexican: My hometown of El Paso is getting a new AAA baseball team. The owning group just announced the name: the El Paso Chihuahuas. Reasons given? The origins of the dog and the city's location in the Chihuahua desert, and that it was family-friendly. Many in this city are saying the name is offensive, while others (myself included) love the name. In your most Mexican opinion, who is right? Getting Drunk at Chope's
Dear Wab: Neither. Smarty-art Mexicans need to own the Chihuahua as a fine metaphor for our raza. As I wrote back in 2008, the perritos are "quintessentially Mexican: ... usually brown but available in all colors, maligned by gabachos as puny runts but secretly ferocious and smart, and bearers of muchos, muchos babies." On the other hand, the owners of the San Diego Padres affiliate named their team the Chihuahuas specifically for the publicity, so shame on them.
What is with the nerve-fraying multiple sound sources required to operate a Mexican restaurant? The jukebox is hawking Shakira, Juanes or other current hair-do, the overhead sound system continues to pump day-old Juan Gabriel, there is a boombox blasting anonymous ranchera from the kitchen, and at least one television is spewing telenovelas or soccer. Tacos Yes, Trumpets No
Dear Gabacho: It's nerve-fraying only to precious gabachos like you — we Mexis can compartmentalize all the different sounds just fine.
I had been married to my Mexican wife for a while when one day my father-in-law Adolph says, "I bet an aleman like you probably wants to know why my name is Adolph." He told me that because the California Mexicans from days of old and the rebels from Mexico wanted to take the Southwest U.S. back, and since the Germans asked Mexico to invade America back during World War I, it was thought that maybe if the Mexicans supported Hitler he would help them liberate California! So what about this story? El Gringo de Sangre Meclador
Dear Gabacho of Mixed Blood: Your cuñado was fucking with you. Hitler was just a lowly soldier in WWI, when the Zimmerman telegram he was referring to was proposed.