By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
Dear Mexican: The current clothing trend is for ladies to wear low-cut jeans and belly shirts that expose their midriffs. That looks great on a hard-bodied woman, so why do so many fat Mexican mujeres insist on dressing like this? Their gut hangs over their pants and pushes their shirt up. I can't believe they look in the mirror and think they look attractive. What gives? Fat is Malo
Dear Gabacho: American men might prefer boinking skinny things, but the wisdom of the ancients still informs the male Mexican mind, and the ancients loved fatties. Many pre-Columbian codices and statues depict women as plump chicas. Obesity meant wealth, fertility, what Groucho Marx called "an armful of fun on a cold night." But it wasn't just the Aztecs or Mayans who loved their ladies large. Carl Jung and other psycho-mythologists point to the Earth Mother, found in almost all societies, as one of the most powerful archetypes of the collective unconscious. A bad diet also explains the endemic obesity among Mexican women, but all that a massive mujer does when she squeezes into those low-cut jeans and belly shirts is transform into the Earth Mother and invite males to partake of her eternal fecundity.
How come Mexican men wear belt buckles that look like wrestling belts? R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero
Dear Gabacho: A massive belt buckle ensures that our sturdy belts won't burst under the double strains of the tools we hang from it and the bellies that rise from our middles like Kilimanjaro. It's a Mexican man's most cherished accessory after the tejana and alligator boots, so of course he'll glam up his buckles with engravings. But owning a bonito buckle isn't enough. As Freud points out, any time men flash abnormally large possessions it's a stand-in for their cocks. And sexology surveys rank Latinos third behind blacks and gabachos on the large pipi scale). So, ladies, the larger the buckle, the teenier the weenie.