In a perfect world, Disney on Ice would be some nefarious mobster plot to silence stupid Ariel and her anti-female-empowerment nonsense by sending her to Antarctica where she could warble to the icebergs. Sadly for parents, it is actually a nefarious plot by Disney to dive into our wallets and further tether small children to a host of magical characters that slowly kill our souls. But, hell, the kiddos love it. Why shouldn’t they? Princesses of all shapes and sizes (read: petite and over-endowed) take to the ice with beloved cartoon icons (read: probably subtly racist in some way) and double Salchow their way into your baby’s heart and consumer consciousness. Despite your misgivings, that baby’s excitement and wonder will win out and you’ll be there for Disney on Ice: Let’s Celebrate! at the American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Ave., for one of the many shows daily from Wednesday through Sunday, April 6. Tickets are $10 to $78 at ticketmaster.com.
Wed., April 2, 7:30 p.m.; Thursdays-Saturdays, 7:30 p.m.; Fridays, 10:30 a.m.; Sat., April 5, 11:30 a.m.; Sun., April 6, 5 p.m. Starts: April 2. Continues through April 4, 2014