Dallas: A Midyear Report

From schools to City Hall, pouring rain to dumping pig's blood, a 2014 progress report for Dallas.

It's felt generally like progress. But not many see it that way. A spokeswoman for Watkins says the indictments are the result of damning video evidence, not redoubled efforts by prosecutors, since that will take new and substantial funding from the county. The Dallas Police Association's president, Ron Pinkston, has aggressively fought Brown's crackdown, writing that his "up in the air policy creates doubt and hesitation in an officer about when/if to use deadly force, which ultimately is going to result in an officer and/or a citizen getting killed." And in southern Dallas, the seas of distrust that washed up on Dixon Street two summers ago are still rising, says activist the Reverend Ronald Wright, of Justice Seekers Texas. They'll continue to, Wright says, until an independent review board is in place, and until "we get a true indictment — not an indictment where it's, 'Hey, we got you on TV.'"

Grade: B-


Advanced and Annoying Weather Systems

Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

Assessment by: Gavin Cleaver

Coming off the back of 2013's icepocalypse, which heralded a winter so terrible that many people were simply unable to drive to work, little Dallas had a lot of work to do through the first half of 2014. If it were ever to regain its reputation as a city where the weather was at least not entirely appalling, all Dallas had to do was avoid further icescapades. Did it do that? No. No it did not.

Instead, the first part of 2014 was marked by a deeply unfriendly number of freezes, as Dallas' supposedly subtropical climate became something more akin to the North Pole. Countless people presumably froze to death, which wasn't reported due to the gigantic media conspiracy we're all a part of. I feel confident in saying, however, that there is no way anyone could have survived the winter of 2013-14 intact.

February saw the dreaded rollout of ICE FORCE LEVEL TWO across the city, when it became clear that the efforts of ICE FORCE LEVEL ONE could do absolutely nothing to contain the rampant spread of Jack Frost's malevolence. In March, several thousand drivers spent an entire day stuck on I-45, which resembled a skating rink, only without the easy access to soft pretzels.

Sure, Dallas wins some marks back for not being "entombed in ice" again, like the end of 2013, but instead, as the weather crosses over from "frozen" to "burning," we're faced with our old foe: the tornado. There also have to be some marks taken away for the shortest spring in the whole history of mankind, which lasted approximately one hour, during the afternoon of May 11.

There was also the fact that our Lord saw it appropriate to confine all terrible weather to the weekend, tempting office workers with sunshine they could see from their office windows only to cruelly remove said sunshine as soon as any of them had the chance to go outside, as was the case with the Final Four concerts. Perhap s God is just a massive Springsteen fan and didn't fancy a crowd? Either way, dissatisfaction with the weather is at a high right now, as the single hour of spring has given way to temperatures in the 90s and the prospect of temperatures staying in the 90s basically for the rest of human existence.

There is one shining light, however. St. Delkus, patron weather saint of Dallas-Fort Worth, suggests that July might have a little bit of rain and maybe not burn all of us to death. So there's some optimism to cling to, as long as your definition of optimism is "not burning to a crisp within six seconds of stepping outside." As always, it's a good time for deodorant manufacturers and AC repairmen. Also, with all the ice over the winter, global warming definitely isn't a thing. In fact, global cooling is now the trend. Lord knows Dallas loves a trend.

Weather Grade: D

Delkus Grade: What's above A+ again?

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4 comments
Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Gavin hasn't been here long enough to know bad

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

Sorry Gavin. This has been a pretty good spring.

bal402
bal402

The streets are so bad in Dallas, that cars can barely maneuver, much less bikes.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

@bal402 Mainly because of some random police barricades in certain neighborhoods

 
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