In the season two premiere of The Real Housewives of Dallas, housewife Cary Deuber described new housewife Kameron Westcott as a "real-life Elle Woods." And nothing in this world has been more accurate.
If Reese Witherspoon's character from Legally Blonde was among us in Dallas, she would be Westcott. I have yet to meet Westcott, but from her persona on reality TV, it's almost like she's a caricature of herself.
Everything is pink. Everything is blonde. Everything is Louis Vuitton. Her dog's name is Louis.
So it makes sense that one of Westcott's storylines on RHOD is that she wants to launch a line of sparkly pink dog food. To persuade her husband to give her money to launch the dog food line, Wescott presents him with a giant poster board decorated with pictures of a dog and dog food.
Everyone who eats Lucky Charms hates the boring cereal part and buys it for the few marshmallows. This is the dog food equivalent. For about every 20 boring brown pebbles, there is one pink one.
The dog food line has since came to fruition, and inquiring minds can buy it at sparkledogfood.com.
I did just that. I bought the damn product for my roommate's dog. For $28, I got an 8-ounce bag of dog food.
The rules from my roommate were simple. I could use her dog for this experiment as long as I paid for the dog food and the vet bill if anything happened to Winston.
A few days later, the dog food arrived on my doorstep.
Right off the bat, a few things surprised me about this dog food. Foremost, very few of the food pebbles are actually pink. Everyone who eats Lucky Charms hates the boring cereal part and buys it for the few marshmallows. This is the dog food equivalent. For about every 20 boring brown pebbles, there is one pink one, so calling it a pink dog food is a bit of a stretch.
This dog food is also very expensive. The main ingredient is chicken, just like Winston's usual diet of Beneful. But because of the pink pebbles and the fact that a housewife is attached to it, SparkleDog costs about twice as much.
Finally, this dog food is partnered with Susan G. Komen. No matter the sales, SparkleDog will donate $10,000 to the breast cancer nonprofit. Westcott lost her grandmother to cancer.
I fed the food to Winston. The first day, it was just one bite out of my hand. He did not raise an ear at the pink pebbles.
The second day, I divided his breakfast with half of his normal dog food and half of the pink. I watched him eat the entire bowl like normal, without discriminating against Westcott's food.
I did not follow the instructions on Amazon that said I should feed 60-pound Winston three to four cups of the food. Instead, I gave him about one cup of the pink dog food and one cup of his normal Beneful.
I continued to do this for a few days and monitor his, well, shit. I had read an online review that said it made one customer's dog throw up pink all over her white couch and made the dog shit pink. That was not the case for Winston. His appeared normal.
It also appeared that Winston, a mutt my roommate found on a Lubbock farm, liked the dog food just fine. I monitored his mood. Was he happier eating pink dog food? Was there an extra pep in his step? Or did he go right back to sleeping on the couch after each of his meals?
I'm sad to report that I saw no extra joy in him.
Because Winston didn't have a problem with the food, I gave it a whirl. I took one small bite of a pink pebble of this SparkleDog food — I was slightly tipsy — and I didn't puke.
Curious if it was just my roommate's dog and I who had a taste for this dog food, I handed it over to a friend for his dog to try.
Parker is a 25-pound Finnish spitz that ate SparkleDog for five days. Like Winston, he immediately took to it and had zero issues with digestion.
SparkleDog will most likely not kill your dog, but it's still uncertain if your dog cares about eating something pink.