27 Perfect Gifts For Every Type of Human in Your Life
Spread cheer and slip 'em something they really want this holiday season.
If you're just now looking at a gift guide, congratulations. You waited it out. We knew you would, champ. Your reward for lazy patience? You can ride our holiday shopping coattails to gifting glory because we've searched Dallas and the interwebs to find 27 presents that are as affordable as they are thoughtful -- mostly, anyway.
Yep, you're welcome.
No really, they're effin' huge.
You may think you know what a one pound chocolate bar, cup or patty looks like, but you don't. It's HUGE. Like you might need a spotter to get it to your car. But if you do get it to your car and then actually give it to someone, you'll be in the running for best human ever. Unless you give the York. Then you're just an asshole. In stores only, Holiday section.
When you don't know someone that well, you might as well give them something to rub on their privates. See what I'm saying? Soap is impersonally personal, but Oak Cliff Soap is a sudsy, chunky cake of "that smells rad." Each soap is all natural and 100% handmade with essential oils. I highly recommend Oatmeal and Almond. Available at Oil & Cotton
He Says It Like It Is
TicketsSun., Jan. 22, 7:30pm
Dream Concert ft. Wrayne Simmons, Marcus Speed and Uriah Jones
TicketsFri., Jan. 27, 8:00pm
An American In Paris
TicketsTue., Jan. 31, 7:30pm
Gabriel Iglesias: FluffyMania
TicketsWed., Feb. 1, 8:00pm
Casa Manana Presents Rapunzel, Rapunzel: A Very Hairy Fairy Tale
TicketsFri., Feb. 3, 7:00pm
Okay so the shipping at The Plaid Pigeon is only slightly less than your college tuition, but who even cares?!? It's a DINO PLANTER with rocks and a succulent. (Imitations have air plants. Garf.) You can pick the animal and the color and our merry little Austin friends will ship it. And since it's a succulent, it'll take a lot longer to kill!!
Photo by LILCO Press
is a local printmaker that uses polymer plates, hand-carved linoleum and the thickest paper you can find. Seriously, it's like her postcards, cards and art prints are created on motherfucking maxi pads. So plush! And presumably absorbent! Which makes her $4 Hola, Amigo or Gracias postcard perfect for framing.
From the Tom Sale Facebook page
Your flaky friend took one oil painting glass and suddenly they're an artist. Well, now for $5 you can passive-aggressively support their new pursuit -- they'll ditch it and move on to aristocratic blacksmithing next month anyway. Faking it has never been cheaper or easier, because tiny easels only put you out $5.
Photo by Catherine Downes
If there's a full-blown girl or transitioning male in your life, you need f. is for Frank for four reasons: 1.) You need a gift that doesn't suck. 2.) Their jewelry is so, so, so, so, so amazing. 3.) Everyone loves it. 4.) There isn't a fourth reason. You got pranked.
Photo from estie's Etsy site
Every year you have one friend-ish who gets you a massive Sun Ripened Raspberry bundle from Bath & Body Works and every year you rue the day you ever met. Fight fire with fire with an awesome estie necklace that looks like you paid waaay more than you did. Especially since estie uses geodes, quartz, leather chevrons and more. Here's a fun thing, estie is on Etsy. Enjoy verbally explaining that.
Yeah Lenny, just throw on a silk vest. Great.
This travel set comes with a calming aftershave balm, original shave cream and essential pre-shave oil. All in a handsome clear plastic pouch. It's available in three scents - Almond, Eucalyptus and Sandalwood - but it doesn't really matter what scent you choose. Everything smells the same when it's never used.
The beauty of this little beauty is it's a terrarium of already dying leaves so your dumb friend can't kill it any further. And it's only $12. And it's adorable.
These hand-carved, smooth as glass slingshots are peacocking the shit out of those neon stripes. Now, I'd never shoot anything with this, but then again, I don't have testes. Fun fact for anyone alive twenty years ago, the medical tubing used on these used to be on flip flops called Tiddies.
The frustration of every Midway game ever brought to life exists in these hand-painted knockdown dolls by clearly-whimsical artist, Jason Cohen. Perfect for that special someone in your life with multiple interests and/or ADD.
Just because you love cats, doesn't mean you're sad and lonely. In fact, sometimes you even need tape in an adorable tape dispenser. You know so you can hang up all those cat pictures and rogue furballs. Juuust kidding. CATS!
Watch your little paranoid friend reel when presented with this lipstick-marked glass. It's painted on and completely sanitary, but let's just keep that between us.
Billed as "the funnest undies you'll ever find that don't ride up your butt!" Fundies Undies come all the way from Canada, eh, and make your privates look more adorable than manscaping. Available in XS to L. Men and Women. Oh happy day.
For: Your Idiot Friend That Sells (Or Owns) Scentsy Aviary Soy Candle
For: Your Idiot Friend That Sells (Or Owns) Scentsy Aviary Soy CandleNest, $36
Console, dining, folding card table, it doesn't really matter. Pop this bad boy on top and you're instantly stylin' -- except you're not because you just said, "stylin'." Thems the breaks, kid.
Happy Holidays, you hooches.
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