Put down those flowers and drop the chocolates!
I know it’s Valentine’s Day and all, but I think by 2016 we can all agree, this artificial holiday is in serious need of a face lift. Don’t do what she/he/they expect, step your game up and eschew the clichés. Love is more than chalky candy hearts and crimson flowers, it’s about taking risks! So roll the dice on these eccentric Valentine's venues.
'80s Themed Prom Party
8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 13
Doublewide, 3510 Commerce St.
For those of you who want a second shot at that perfect prom night, the Double Wide has you covered. The Rich Girls, a Hall and Oates cover band, and The Clinton Years, a '90s cover group, will wax poetic on the virtues of love, as you and your partner pretend to be teenagers at the bar. Sure, it’s not the same as slipping your older brother a $20 for a couple of bottles of MD 20/20, but at least you won’t run the risk of detention for spiking the punch bowl. Hell, they might even offer you a job if you can get the right ratio. The event is $10 at the door, and tickets can be purchased in advance.
Waffle House Valentine’s
Sunday, Feb. 14
Who needs five stars to experience fine dining? Not any significant other I’ve ever had! Take your valentine out for a T-bone steak for two at the South’s most iconic restaurant to do drugs inside of, Waffle House. You’ll have to make reservations if you want to experience the finest dim lighting Waffle House has to offer, but it’ll all be worth it once you’ve got smothered, covered, chunked and capped hash browns for two. Visit wafflehouse.com/valentine/ for participating locations.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 14
The Texas Theatre, 231 W. Jefferson Blvd.
Jim Carrey’s character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind says that Valentine’s Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap. I’ve always thought it was invented to remind single people that they’re getting older, and older, and older… But either way, why not spread the pain around and take your date to one of the most depressingly romantic films of all time? See Jim Carrey’s finest dramatic performance from the same vantage point Lee Harvey Oswald and J.D. Tippit had in 1963, and hope your significant other doesn’t wish you out of existence by the final credits. Tickets are $10.50 each.
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Lord of the Flies
2 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 14
WaterTower Theatre, 15650 Addison Road
Trying to make a good impression, but want to keep your partner on his or her toes? Suggest an afternoon at WaterTower Theatre for their final performance of Lord of the Flies. Show your significant other that not only are you cultured and intellectual, but you also have a softer side, by silently crying during the scene where Simon chats with his new pig pal. Afterward, suggest a trip to the nearest barbecue place and make it a night you’ll never forget, sans therapy. Tickets are $40 at the door, or you can grab them online at watertowertheatre.org.
Shark Feeding Demonstration
2:30 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 14
The Children's Aquarium at Fair Park, 1462 1st Ave.
Sharks never look back on the past. They’re always pushing forward toward the next adventure. Can you say the same about your relationship? Will you and your significant other push past the bullshit and end up living happily ever after? Probably not. But why not ignore the inevitable and watch a shark devour some unlucky fish bastard who probably had it coming anyway? The visit is free and it’s early enough in the day to help you work up an appetite for dinner. (Pro Tip: Queue up the Jaws theme on your phone for maximum enjoyment.)