Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus, but instead of flying eight tiny reindeer, Mr. Ho Ho Ho tools around the world in a Global Express jet. Where once he ran an elfin toy shop, he now swipes his Visa Platinum and receives Free Cash Rewards. Yes, Virginia, that's why you saw me putting together your Janie-Learns-To-Cook-and-Give-Herself-Hair-Extensions with its five removable doohickeys, requiring eight AAA batteries, that is not suitable for kids under the age of 4. (Contains small parts children may swallow.) Haven't you read The Wall Street Journal? Since North Pole Inc. went public, Santa let the elves go and no longer assembles his toys. He outsources labor to parents around the world. But he does visit malls to stay in touch with consumers, visit shareholders and get his holiday shopping done. And the fake beard? Well, Big C's a Maxim man now. He favors the George Clooney scruff over a full set of whiskers.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Yes, it's finally here. The season every good little corporation in America dreams of all year long. The season when ledgers will go from red to black, budgets will be met, and oh yes, peace on earth, family togetherness, turkey (the bird, not dear Uncle Joe) and all of that other stuff. But hark, it can also be a season of giving as well as shopping. And lo, here's a swish charity free-for-all you won't want to miss: The Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS has created a winter wonderland (the feel, if not the weather) in its 12th annual DIFFA Rouge affair. Sip wintry-themed cocktails, munch Yuletide bites and bid in a silent auction on all things holiday from designer stockings (to be filled with oranges and candy canes, not feet) by Narciso Rodriguez, Bottega Veneta, Lilly Pulitzer, Missoni, Moschino, Todd Oldham, Vivienne Tam, Zac Posen, Armani, Emilio Pucci and others, to designer wreaths and every other kind of festive gift. And of course, Santa will be there. Tell him I've been a very good girl this year, will ya?