Cards Against Humanity Sold Clumps of Bullshit to 30,000 People, Meet Two of Them

Admit it, you've bought stuff through the mail that's way more useless than a lump of dried shit in a box.
Admit it, you've bought stuff through the mail that's way more useless than a lump of dried shit in a box.
Courtesy of Wayne Ross

The Black Friday shopping holiday has become an economic beast that never gets hungry. Ever year, crowds of consumers flood the malls and big box retailers and start fights over a discounted toaster because the holidays are about giving and being kind to your fellow man.

The folks at Cards Against Humanity grew tired of this holiday tradition for a happy capitalist Christmas and decided to offer a Black Friday deal of their own. For the low, low price of $6, they would send anyone a slick, black box that contained a single lump of bullshit.

If this sounded like a scam, it wasn't. The site clearly stated that anyone who signed up for the special deal would receive exactly what they described and shouldn't complain if they failed to avoid such obvious disappointment. Thirty thousand people opened their wallets for the deal and received just that in the mail a few days later. We found two people in Dallas, network engineer Wayne Ross and Parade of Flesh founder John Iskander, who signed up for the deal.

Both said they are fans of the CAH empire that started with the card game and continued with a series of special expansions and collectible cards from their other holiday related sales. They received an email from the Chicago company announcing the special Black Friday item and jumped at the chance to shut up and give them their money.

"I thought it was funny," Iskander said. "I was going to do this just to see what they're sending. I wasn't worried about it. I thought, $6 or something, what could it hurt? Think about what people waste $6 on everyday."

Ross said he signed up for four packages so he could give three of them to friends for Christmas and give one to himself as an early present.

"I figured that they were actually being literal or going to do something off the wall," Ross said. "I couldn't lose no matter what."

The packages arrived more than a week after the pair plunked down their money.

"They came in a brown, cardboard box that had an emoji of a pile of poop on it smiling and inside was a pin-on button of a pile of poop," Ross said. "The black box itself said 'Bullshit' on top and it was sealed in plastic and when you opened it up, there was a dry piece of cow manure."

"You would open it and it was just a cow turd between two pieces of foam," Iskander said. "It's funny, and you're asking me questions about it. So I guess it was worth buying."

So what are they planning on doing with them?

"I'm keeping it," Iskander said. "Why throw it out? It's too funny to throw out."

Ross said he's not worried about his prized poop becoming a smelly nuisance. The box alone makes it one of the more talked about collectibles in his collection.

"I grew up around fields that had cow patties in them," Ross said. "I'm pretty sure it will last as long as I'm interested in that game."

So where exactly did Cards Against Humanity find enough poop for 30,000 amused people with small amounts of exposable income? There might be another local angle besides just the people who bought them.

During the research for this story, I came across something amazing that should make any Dallas resident proud. I discovered a Tweet from a Dallas resident who claimed that his company printed the boxes and packaged the poop for CAH's Black Friday sale.

A quick search of the name on LinkedIn led to a Dallas printing company named Jarvis Press. A spokesperson for the company said she couldn't confirm they printed the BS boxes without prior permission from their client. We attempted to reach out to CAH but none of the emails we sent received a reply.

So what about the poop? Where did they get it? Frankly, I'd rather not investigate the story that far.

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