Update: We've been asking for your SyFy film suggestions today and I gotta say: I'd greenlight all of these. Check out our favorite reader's ideas for new Sharknado follow-up projects. They're at the bottom. I love crap. According to trending polls, you do too. Case in point: rip-off monster movie company The Asylum Films, who you know best for making the SyFy blockbusters the Mega Shark series, Two-Headed Shark Attack, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid and most recently, Sharknado, which the rest of you finally broke down and watched last night.
Since Asylum's script writers/managers/actors/sharks are too coked up to design a new project to film this weekend, we came up with some ideas. Here are our five best pitches to Asylum for a triumphant Sharknado follow-up.
Mega Crockatiel Pitch: On a routine investigation, U.S. safety inspector (Tracey Gold) spots something swimming in the water reserve outside Homestead, Florida's Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant. It's a creature with brilliant plumage, the ability to fly, and the mouth/appetite/body of a radioactive crocodile.
[Pans out: This is just a baby, she's standing on the head of Mega Crockatiel.]
Snakequake Pitch: In the wild heart of South Florida, one Everglades forester (Eric Stoltz) fights against the rapidly growing numbers of invasive Burmese pythons. Others scoff at his preservation efforts; he receives very little help from local military and/or gardening community. Then, it happens: the Big Earthquake hits and soon giant, prehistoric snakes rise to the surface. Will local secret drone operations join Stoltz in battling ... SNAKEQUAKE?
Apoctopus Pitch: Faced with the end of days, New York City Mayor (Soleil Moon Frye) calmly prepares for invasion of apocalyptic horsemen and other noted passages from Revelation. Plot twist: Neptune God has other plans. Soon, a legion of hell-summoning octopi crawl out of the sewers in search of souls and trans fats.
Super Electric Falconasaur Pitch: During a routine exploration of low-altitude oceanic vents, one diver drops his car keys. "Why'd you bring 'em down here?" gestures Diver Number Two. Now-Keyless Diver Number One responds with a shrug, then flicks him the middle finger.
[Put on 3D glasses now.]
We watch as the keys become lodged between two freakishly large clams, mixed into a garden of ten-foot tube worms. The diver reaches down to fish out his item and ZAP! Super Electric Falconasaur emerges. He has the underwater prowess of an electric eel and the high-flying, prey-seeking skill set of a falcon. But most terrifying of all... he's got family. Mega Crockatiel vs. Super Electric Falconasaur Pitch: Both can survive in sea and sky. Each is on a vague, but implied, mission for revenge. Neither can be stopped by bullets!
What will become of mankind?
[Cut to lead character] "We will prevail," says Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton, staring into the horizon. "So long as we find where they're breeding." She tugs at her thigh high boots, unpinches her wedgie and says, "After all, I'm a scientist."
@Dallas_Observer LOSTSHARKADO The Sharks created the island to fuck with us.
— kukheart (@kukheart) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer SHARK OF THE COVENANT: They've finally found the original 10 Commandments... INSIDE A 30 FOOT GREAT WHITE SHARK
— Clint Werth (@ihatecomedy) July 19, 2013
— Vinny (@isItalianinTx) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer Flounder Flash Flood or Hammerhead Hail.
— Christina Kuhl (@lowresjoker) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer Sharknado does Dallas
— Tom Harris (@t_m_harris) July 19, 2013
— Dallas_Observer (@Dallas_Observer) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer MahiMahi Monsoon
— CoryHafsaas (@CoryHafsaas) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer Children of the Sharknado
— Lizzie Handren (@Lizzie_Belle_H) July 19, 2013
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
@Dallas_Observer piranha tsunami
— Pedro Julio (@pjcmota) July 19, 2013
@Dallas_Observer salami tsunami.
— Chris Chapman (@ProfessaChapman) July 19, 2013