Five Things We Learned From Jurassic World
What? You're saying it wasn't meant to be realistic?
Universal Pictures and Amblin Entertainment
A few days ago, we got to see Jurassic World. It’s not awful and it’s not great, either — it’s just appetizing enough to enjoy. However, there are a lot of plot holes, continuity, character decisions, and moments in the movie that just don’t make any sense. Here are some of the ones we learned while watching Jurassic World.
*WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW. DON’T CHEW US OUT, WE WARNED YOU.*
High Heels Beat Dinosaur Feet
I saved the best for first. At the end of the film, Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) opens the gate for the paddock T-Rex is locked in to bring her out to fight and hopefully kill Indominus Rex, ending the terror the latter has caused in the park. Never mind what the plan is if T-Rex wins, but here’s where it gets laugh out loud funny and it’s supposed to be a serious scene: T-Rex is running behind (chasing) Claire with a flare until T-Rex mets I-Rex and death becomes one of them. What sticks out like a sore thumb is claire’s attire. She is outrunning T-Rex — who can book it up to 18 miles per hour — in high heeled shoes. High. Heeled. Shoes. And they don’t even break. Yes, there’s a joke made about her going through the park in her dress and how she’s not fit to help because of her wardrobe, but in the past Jurassic Park’s, nobody has outran T-Rex. Anyone in their right mind would have taken those off before being chased after a giant, fast running monster ready to rip you apart. But, I guess in the future, if you need to run from that kind of monster, high heels will do.
Dinosaurs Respect Glass, Not Steel
Let’s talk about the new dinosaur created in the lab: the Indominus Rex, a hybrid of a T-Rex, Velociraptor, Carnotaurus Giganotosaurus, Majungasaurus, Rugops, chameleon, and a lot of other animals that are lean and mean and can do some crazy stuff. When it’s full grown, I-Rex is 50-feet long, making T-Rex look like a baby. They have her caged in a location where she can be looked at through tall windows and the place is surrounded by thick brick, rock, metal, and every kind of material to keep it from getting out until it’s ready to be shown as an attraction. When it does get it out, it runs right through the door, smashing through all the material to keep it inside. We learn throughout the movie this dinosaur is one smart sonofabitch, so the question is, why didn’t it just smash through the glass when it could have easily done so? We even see a cracked window. Sure, sure, “there will be no movie if it smashed through the window,” but there’s no explanation on the glass and since the park seems to be from the future, a few lines about it being the most indestructible glass on the planet would have saved this thought and me writing this paragraph.
Bigger Doesn't Equal Better
This is probably the most obvious: Jurassic Park (the theme park, not the film) was a massive failure the first time it had a test run. If there’s a power outage, lots of people die. In part two, the embarrassing Lost World, T-Rex gets out before even making it into the park and chews through San Diego before being tricked into getting back in the boat by the magical Jeff Goldblum and sent back to the island where it belongs. The first two tries to make a park with cloned dinosaurs resulted in a lot of innocent and good people dying — why did they think an ever bigger park would work a third time?
The Future Is Now, Sort Of
Jurassic Park released in 1993 and this is supposed to take “20 plus years” in the future. I know the synopsis says 22 on IMDb, which would make it 2015, but in the movie they make it clear it’s “20+” yet there’s technology in the film that’s way more advanced than 2015. I mean, we had a hologram Tupac blow every other act out of the water at Coachella a few years ago, but the structure of the park and some of the vehicles are way too high tech for 2015.
Theme Park Employees Are Clueless
There’s a part of the park where two people can ride in a tiny, circular vehicle called the Gyrosphere. It’s on a track but then you are free to roam a part of the island where non-meat eating dinosaurs are. When I-Rex gets out and is in that area, the teenager who works that ride is told to close the ride down, but has no idea what to do when they tell him to shut it down. His response is what you’d expect a teenager to say, “I just work here,” but for a multi-billion dollar park with dangerous monsters roaming around, one would think every single employee would have to go through rigorous training for situations like this.
T-Rex and the raptors are besties now so all of the above are forgiven.
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