Gathering of the Juggalos Day 3: Jesus, Fake Blood, Ninja Medics

Naptown Mike and Menace had an interesting day. Before the evening's big festivities set in, they had already seen a Juggalo version of “The Gong Show” and a Faygo launching contest. When we met back up, Menace’s shorts had blotches of Red Pop soda stains all over them, with confetti stuck to his hair. They also took a few moments to swing by the JCW tryouts. JCW, I learned, stands for “Juggalo Championshit Wrestling.”

Naptown Mike’s favorite auditionee was not some big hulking man, but rather, a cute female wrestler who would “chest slap the hell” out of her competition.

While they participated in such things, I found myself making the steep climb up the rocky hill to the outskirts of the camp grounds. This is where Big Hoodoo hosted his seminar.

Now, I have been to several seminars in my time. At SXSW, I saw panels on comedy, music, business and more. Not once, in any of those seminars, did the speaker pull out a joint and share it with the audience. Big Hoodoo’s seminar wasn’t a seminar at all. It was a giant smoke session among friends. Of course, I didn’t smoke with the crowd. I am a journalist with integrity or something.

Hoodoo spent the time talking about future music, his relationship with ICP, his definition of an asshole, and what inspires him to make music. Come to find out, Big Hoodoo is cousins with the legendary rapper Awesome Dre.

During the Q&A, someone asked Hoodoo what it felt like to be Twiztid’s replacement on Psychopathic Records.

“I’m Big Hoodoo. I ain’t nobody’s replacement. Get the fuck out of here with that question.” Hoodoo laughed before leading the crowd in a chant of “You fucked up!”

Before the main stage festivities began for the evening, I decided to take a walk the unofficial drug bridge. Of course, the original drug bridge was on an actual bridge, but since the festival has moved to Ohio, there is no physical bridge. This doesn’t stop the Juggalos from selling their wares.

LSD seems to be the big drug of choice for this year’s gathering. Even more so than weed, I saw signs advertising “doses,” “sid” and “liquid LSD.” I also heard a lot of people looking for pills and painkillers. One random person asked if I could score opium. When I showed him my camera and told him I was press, he backed away slowly and then turned and ran full speed. I guess his mom reads newspapers.

Tonight, on the main stage, Puddle of Mudd seemed to win over the crowd of horrorcore fans. As I was walking to the stage, I heard people yelling from the crowd.

“Kurt Cobain is about to play. Oh wait, that’s Puddle of Shit.”

I was preemptively embarrassed for Puddle of Mudd. I thought, surely, they are in for a fate similar to Tila Tequila. But color me completely wrong. By the time they ended their set with “She Fuckin’ Hates Me,” the audience was dancing, singing and chanting “family.”

While waiting for Flosstradamus to take the stage, Naptown Mike and I hung out by the G-Force ride that spins people into zero gravity. We were mostly uninterested until we saw a topless women with what appeared to be triple-D size breasts. I jokingly leaned over to Mike.

“Too bad rides like that make me sick. I’d love to see what those look like in zero gravity.”

Before I could finish my statement, Naptown Mike was running up the stairs to the ride — camera and all. He managed to fire off a shot or two, but the ride made the pictures too blurry and, despite my greatest efforts, the Observer does not deal in amateur porn.

Anyway, Flosstradamus played directly after Puddle of Mudd. I was surprised by how much I liked their set as EDM has never been one of my favorite styles of music.

The crowd mostly enjoyed their show, except for one person. At the beginning of the set, a rock was hurled from the audience and managed to land on the cheek of Flosstradamus’ vocalist. He took it like a champ and continued the show.

Finally, Dark Lotus came out and blew the entire audience away. Dark Lotus is a hip-hop supergroup with the Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid and Blaze ya Dead Homie. Every Juggalo and Juggalette piled in from campsites and side stages to witness this show, which is why I left a little early. It was the perfect time to finally grab a much needed shower.

Things I learned at the Gathering of the Juggalos Day 3.

  1. There are actually emergency medics out here. Sure, they hide in the shadows like ninjas, but when one is needed, they jump into action. Before Dark Lotus played, I saw a man who had passed out due to heat and/or partying. He was trying to make it to a porta-potty, which didn’t quite happen. Within minutes, a medic cart pulled into the area and got him out of there.
  2. Jesus loves Juggalos. As I was waiting for the Puddle of Mudd show to start, I witnessed one of many pot deals. Only this time, it was with a girl who couldn’t be a day over 19 and her shirt declared that she was a Juggalo for Christ. 
  3. More than just Faygo is getting sprayed around here. Two topless girls took a kiddie pool and charged people a dollar to pelt them with the water balloons filled with fake blood. One of them, who happened to be outrageously cute, was on her knees begging passerbys to participate. 

Now, onto day 4 of this craziness. I am part zombie, now. So, it looks like I will fit right in.
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Stanton Brasher