Last month Dallas experienced the reality television equivalent of a pregnancy scare: Reality Tea leaked that we'd be getting our own bouffanted edition of the popular Bravo "Housewives" series. A Wiki page was summoned, a Facebook page emerged and we collectively clutched our pearls, waiting to hear if Troy Aikman's ex, Rhonda, would really be flipping tables with plastic surgeon Diane Gibby. It all seemed too good -- these women had money, stature and actual reputations within the community that could be compromised through their participation in the program, not just wealthy husbands who never appear on camera and an up-start handbag line.
Sadly, it was impossibly perfect. We likely won't be hearing xylophone introductions followed by sassy head shots of these gals any time soon. At least two of the women have disavowed any knowledge of their involvement and the show's creator, Andy Cohen, said it was nixed. It got us thinking, though. If not Dallas, what cities would we like to see "Real Housewives of..." take over? Here's our top five.
5.) Cheyenne, Wyoming They work their own fields, stoke their own fires and fight like frontierswomen. Galas will have to be held at the local Pizza Hut, sure, but you should see these belles knock back a cheesy bites pie. They can unhinged their jaws, like rattle snakes.
4.) Fire Island Could we? Please? The drama. The clothes (and lack thereof). The parties. The series would only be for one, fleeting Summer which is all we need to fall crazy in love with these dancing fellas. By fall, "You're such a Grant" becomes common vernacular in the pop lexicon.
3.) Mexico City, Mexico If only for the weddings!
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2.) The Real Civil Unions of Portland, Oregon If everyone can't get married, nobody does in this popular Bravo extremity. Evening gowns are knitted out of plastic soda can rings, sparing the local aquatic life from non-biodegradable havoc. The season's climax focuses on Rainbow, a screen-printing maven who is under suspicion of using a non soy-based dye in her popular line of hand-stitched baby slings. She's also been seen ordering a chai latte with whole milk, but claims it was for her mother who battles with osteoporosis.
1.) Anchorage, Alaska Women are scarce and oil money is big in Anchorage, and these gals are colder than a Barrow winter and feistier than wild dogs. Swarovsky-encrusted snow shoes leave an easily identifiable track, so all hell breaks loose when a trail from Jodie's ex-husband's house is left unswept. But figuring out which vixen is to blame isn't easy during the Winter Solstice, what with 18.5 hours of darkness abetting her escape. Palin ties, hunting mishaps and diamonds the size of glaciers make this imaginary season the most viewed in the show's history. Take that, Jersey.