I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.

Hey ladies (and mid-40s Dallas douchebags), you ever skooch yourself into the sausage-casing that is Spanx? Yeah, us too. And we just discovered that Spanx, who brought you the shapewear that made you look un-muffin-toppy and awesome in that fancy outfit you wore recently, has a swimwear line. Yep. They're making Spanxing suits.

The Spanx website exclaims, "It's shapewear you can swim in!" The idea sounds good in theory: Nobody wants to look crappy in a bathing suit, right?

But, we fear the reality of the situation would be miserable at best. A bathing suit just offers too many places for the Spanx-ed stuff to squeeze out.

Please refer to Fig. 1 after the jump.

Fig. 1

I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.
Alice Laussade/Spanx

Upcoming Events

Don't get us wrong, we're pretty sure you'd be totally hot from bellybutton to underboobs. But everywhere else, things just have no other option but to be a trainwreck, right?

On the plus side, maybe these suits have the patented Spanx pee hole. Sure would make peeing at/in the pool waaaaay easier.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >