I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.
Hey ladies (and mid-40s Dallas douchebags), you ever skooch yourself into the sausage-casing that is Spanx? Yeah, us too. And we just discovered that Spanx, who brought you the shapewear that made you look un-muffin-toppy and awesome in that fancy outfit you wore recently, has a swimwear line. Yep. They're making Spanxing suits.
The Spanx website exclaims, "It's shapewear you can swim in!" The idea sounds good in theory: Nobody wants to look crappy in a bathing suit, right?
But, we fear the reality of the situation would be miserable at best. A bathing suit just offers too many places for the Spanx-ed stuff to squeeze out.
Please refer to Fig. 1 after the jump.
COMEDY NIGHT AT THE MUSE WITH DAMON WILLIAMS
TicketsFri., Dec. 9, 9:00pm
The Black Academy Of Arts And Letters
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 9:00am
Summer's Christmas Wish
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 5:00pm
Poets N Jazz #3
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 9:00pm
Irma P Hall Black Theatre Awards
TicketsMon., Dec. 19, 6:00pm
Don't get us wrong, we're pretty sure you'd be totally hot from bellybutton to underboobs. But everywhere else, things just have no other option but to be a trainwreck, right?
On the plus side, maybe these suits have the patented Spanx pee hole. Sure would make peeing at/in the pool waaaaay easier.
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