I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.
Hey ladies (and mid-40s Dallas douchebags), you ever skooch yourself into the sausage-casing that is Spanx? Yeah, us too. And we just discovered that Spanx, who brought you the shapewear that made you look un-muffin-toppy and awesome in that fancy outfit you wore recently, has a swimwear line. Yep. They're making Spanxing suits.
The Spanx website exclaims, "It's shapewear you can swim in!" The idea sounds good in theory: Nobody wants to look crappy in a bathing suit, right?
But, we fear the reality of the situation would be miserable at best. A bathing suit just offers too many places for the Spanx-ed stuff to squeeze out.
Please refer to Fig. 1 after the jump.
Gabriel Iglesias: FluffyMania
TicketsWed., Feb. 1, 8:00pm
Casa Manana Presents Rapunzel, Rapunzel: A Very Hairy Fairy Tale
TicketsFri., Feb. 3, 7:00pm
"Louie And Ella" ft. Trent Armand Kendall and Natasha Yvette Williams
TicketsFri., Feb. 3, 8:15pm
TicketsFri., Feb. 3, 9:00pm
TicketsSat., Feb. 4, 8:00pm
Don't get us wrong, we're pretty sure you'd be totally hot from bellybutton to underboobs. But everywhere else, things just have no other option but to be a trainwreck, right?
On the plus side, maybe these suits have the patented Spanx pee hole. Sure would make peeing at/in the pool waaaaay easier.
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Dallas and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.