Dallas hosts a few official parades on St. Patrick's Day, but there's something to be said about the best unofficial parade in town. See, Lower Greenville's bars have hosted years of late-night St. Patrick's Day festivities. Though the ruckus may not seem comparable to a parade at first glance, further perusal reveals a strong resemblance: Noisy crowds, blaring music, slow-driving vehicles, police escorts. The "Irish" decorations, however, are mostly spilled puddles of green beer, and the closest Lower Greenville gets to a Macy's-style balloon float is a shirtless fat guy who shouts drunken obscenities while propped through the sunroof of a Mazda Miata between Stan's Blue Note and The Dubliner. Other than those, the similarities are uncanny. Still, there must be at least a few families that don't like to put the green in Greenville. And for them, the Downtown Dallas St. Patrick's Day Parade should more reasonably fulfill their Irish needs. The parade, which starts at 2 p.m. Sunday, runs on Ross Avenue from Pearl Street to Houston Street, making this year's route quite a bit longer than last year's. The parade looks to have the usual trimmings, such as marching bands and local businesses, although the additions of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and Dallas Mavericks cheerleaders can't hurt. There's even a spot dedicated to Dallas' Irish Person Of The Year (yes, such an honor actually exists), but if this year's winner, Les Foley, isn't as pale as the kid from Powder, there'll be hell to pay. One last bit of advice: If you forget to wear green, watch out for the Pinching Float. Call 972-680-7800 ext. 105. --Sam Machkovech
Turn to Stone
To truly appreciate what computer-generated graphics have done for Hollywood films, look no further than the ham-fisted 1981 schlockfest Clash of the Titans. Before Harry Hamlin was a legal eagle on L.A. Law, he played Perseus and ran around ancient Greece with a mechanical owl named Bubo. In order to save Princess Andromeda, he must capture Pegasus and do battle with Medusa and Kraken. All the while Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith and Burgess Meredith look on as the gods of Olympus. But the best reason to check out this new 35 mm print of the film is to see Bubo in all his animated stop-motion glory. It's Friday and Saturday at midnight at the Inwood Theatre, 5458 Lovers Lane. Tickets are $7.50. Call 214-764-9106. --Jay Webb
Leprechauns are cute only when they're on a cereal box. Otherwise, they're kind of creepy, hoarding gold and vanishing into thin air. But like it or not, March is the leprechaun's time to shine. Lucky for us, The 25th Annual Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade focuses less on the leprechauns and more on that other Irish tradition: big parties that last all day. The parade kicks off the event, which includes musical performances by Big Head Todd and the Monsters and Violent Femmes, along with food and interactive activities. And, yeah, the Dallas Observer is one of the sponsors. The parade happens Saturday from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Greenville Avenue from Blackwell Street to Yale Boulevard. Admission is free. Call 214-757-8416. --Stephanie Durham
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Shake It All About
Avoid the hokey pokey and other
travesties with this wedding dance class
Our favorite wedding dance? The chicken. Although the extended family insistsstill! years too late!on doing that embarrassing Macarena dance and something called The Electric Slide. Thankfully, our kinfolk arent running the Wedding Dance Workshop this Saturday. Instead, instructors with a tad more, lets say it, class will teach interested couples how to dance as well as how to pick the right song for that big day. Hopefully, the engaged will exercise a little originality; if we have to sit through another dance set to Etta James At Last or Frank Sinatras The Way You Look Tonight we just might ram our face into the grooms cake. How about something sophisticated, something befitting your love together? All-4-Ones Shes Got Skillz or Warrants Cherry Pie? Well, its a suggestion anyway. Cost is $95 per couple in advance and $125 at the door. Call 214-228-4454.--Sarah Hepola
From juvenile deliquent to White House mama
Cult icon and acclaimed actress Stockard Channing is coming to Southern Methodist University's McFarlin Auditorium Tuesday as part of the Tate Lecture Series. If the name doesn't ring a bell, think "Rizzo" in Grease. Otherwise Channing is a Tony-winning legend of the stage and should be a delight within a lecture and question-and-answer structure. We can't be there, but if you can, would you ask her some stuff for us? 1. Do you prefer the stage to the screen? 2. How does preparation for either differ? 3. Who wins in a fight: Betty Rizzo or Leather Tuscadero? 4. Did recently playing Adolf Hitler's mother present any moral conflicts for you? 5. Are you disappointed that "flog your log" hasn't caught on like "roughing up the suspect"? 6. So you're in show business...what's Jason Biggs really like? Thanks in advance. Channing will be interviewed by playwright John Guare at 8 p.m. in McFarlin Auditorium at 6405 Boaz Lane. Call 214-768-8283. --Matt Hursh