It’s Me, Mario!

We would have paid good money to sit in the room when Nintendo got the big pitch for their disastrous WiiU console. Some guy who probably just got done running a Jack in the Box barges into the board room with crude drawings of what appeared to be an iPad...

By Danny Gallagher

June 12, 2014

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We would have paid good money to sit in the room when Nintendo got the big pitch for their disastrous WiiU console. Some guy who probably just got done running a Jack in the Box barges into the board room with crude drawings of what appeared to be an iPad being fed intravenously by a Nintendo Wii. The entire board stares at it as the rusty cogs that operate their brains haven’t turned without snapping in years. One of them who looks official smirks an approving grin but announces that it needs a little improvement. He walks over to the drawing, erases the line or “wire” between the tablet and the console and the room erupts in stuffy corporate boardroom cheering. “There’s no way we can lose our jobs now!” one of them quips with a big smile. “The kids hate wires. It’s brilliant!” It’s times like these when we find ourselves pulling our old video game consoles out of the mothballs to use a console that’s actually playable, like the superb Nintendo 64. If you’re like us, we’ll find you at Three Links (2704 Elm St.) from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday at the old school Mario Kart 64 tournament. Entry costs $10.
Sun., June 15, 11 a.m.-7 p.m., 2014

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Danny Gallagher has been a regular contributor to the Dallas Observer since 2014. He has also written features, essays and stories for MTV, the Chicago Tribune, Maxim, Cracked, Mental_Floss, The Week, CNET and The Onion AV Club.

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